It turned out our relationship was built on booze and conversations that we had to drink through in order to enjoy. Once we stopped having that in common, the conversations didn't feel the same. I kept coming away from them feeling bad, my energy drained, our values weren't aligned.
I had to learn where my boundaries were and surround myself with people who made me feel good. People who had my back, filled my cup and inspired me.
My real friends stayed.
We just started having breakfasts, walks and SUPs going to things like Wim Hoff Fundamental events and having different kinds of fun.
I remember those things so much more than the boozy afternoons drinking.
I started to change when I stopped drinking. I started to try new things outside my 'safety zone' of running and drinking. I started swimming in the sea with a bunch of middle aged ladies like me (see pic with my buddy Fi). We just set off, when we set off and you always have someone to swim and chat with. There is something about swimming in the sea that lets your barriers down, I think it's the surrendering.
There are 'no airs or graces' and there is a certain 'down to earthness' of women who swim in their daggy old swimmers with unkempt bikini lines (I'm am mainly referencing myself here). Somedays we talk about nothing and somedays we share our deepest secrets. On the full moon we swim naked, whoop in the waves or still cold water and rejoice in life. These are my people, these people fill my cup.
Out of the blue I started make new friends and was asked to join a book club where we meet every three weeks and talk about Brene Brown and how we can incorporate her teachings into our lives. Such and awesome bunch of gorgeous women on the same trajectory, driven by their values which are very much aligned with mine. Most of them are Jellyfish group swimmers too.
As women we have been so conditioned to accomodate everyone else and put everyone else's needs above our own. The friend and husband or partner who doesn't want to loose their drinking buddy and is worried they will loose you or have to look at their own relationship with alcohol if you do. The question is if alcohol is making you feel sad or bad when you use it, would someone with your best interests at heart really want to keep you using it? This can often be a really great way of explaining it to loved ones.
Navigating friendships is an important part of going alcohol-free. It's great if you don't have to do it alone, but some people don't have that option, joining a social media community or small coaching group of people in the same position can really help with this. Often we think peoples reactions are going to be far worse than they are in realty, not always, but most of the time.
I work with women on this in both my group coaching programs the 30 day Aussie Alcohol Experiment, my 12 week Be The Lighthouse and my 1:1 coaching. Click on the links in the previous sentence or contact me directly for a chat below:
+61 (0) 468 410 877
Emma Gilmour of Hope Rising Coaching not a licensed medical professional and the information in this blog is for informational and educational purposes only.
Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect or represent those of Hope Rising Coaching. You may not use, disseminate, distribute or copy this blog without prior authorisation from Hope Rising Coaching – 12 Hanmer Street, Williamstown, VIC, 3016 – ABN 17310622189