Emma:
Hello and welcome to Midlife AF. Today I want to introduce you to my lovely friend and yoga teacher, I guess. And I originally met Ange at the ashram that I love to go to in Wombat State Forest called Rockland Ashram. And we talk about that, and we talk about what brought her to join the alcohol experiment back in August 2022. And she talks about experiencing a breakup and being made redundant. And she's just beautifully honest, and she'll really give you a really good understanding of what it's like to be part of the apple experiment as well. So over to me.
Emma: If you're a woman in Midlife whose intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move, then Midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counsellor psychotherapist, this naked mind in grey area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting, quirky, teens, menopause, relationships, and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more, that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else, if your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier if we didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our group without boobs.
Emma: Thank you so much for coming on and talking to us. This is beautiful and is that how you like to be known, or do you like to be known differently?
Ange:
Oh, you know what? If you'd asked me that question 30 years ago, I would have said Ange edge. Now it's like, you can call me whatever makes you comfortable.
Emma:
And thanks for coming on. I'll just give a little bit of an introduction to how I know and why she's here, and then I'll ask and she can talk to everybody. Welcome, everybody who's joined us. It's lovely that you're here. So Ange and I met in very unusual circumstances for meeting people. But actually it's so interesting how you meet people, come into your life, isn't it? Often in random, magical ways. I went to my favourite place to get away from the world and just get some restorative treatment. Nature and peace is this beautiful ashram in the wombat State Forest, which is called and my brain's gone blank rockland. And it's proper it's not fancy, it's really down to earth, beautiful vegetarian food, cooked and grown on the land. It's very peaceful. It's really beautifully genuine and authentic place. I absolutely love it there. And I hadn't been for a few years, probably because of COVID or something, I imagine. And at the beginning of last year, I went there in January for a silent retreat and was the lady who was leading the retreat. And I won't go into the details or use the right words because Ange will use them and I will get them wrong and she'll tell you all about what she does, but basically she was leading it there. She's often at that ashram, she's a wonderful teacher. I learnt a beautiful piece of mindfulness from Ange, which I often teach my clients. Now, a really wonderful piece for and we'll talk about it as we go through. Maybe Ange can do some demonstration. When you struggle with mindfulness, when you struggle with meditation, she has this beautiful thing, beautiful practice to enable people to kind of just very gently over a short period of time to grow their ability to be present. And you know what I'm talking about when I'm saying this, you know what, you name the different things and it stuck with me. It was so good. And I use it particularly for clients of mine who struggle with their busy mind. The mind is just always wondering what they need to do? Is always coming in. So she's been a great influence on me. And we didn't speak, really, because you're on a silent retreat, but I thought, she's amazing. I really like this lady. She's got a beautiful energy and can't hide her sparkle. She has this beautiful sparkle and joy of life and, you know, retreats and not retreats, but ashrams. Everything's quite calm and gentle and you can see and is calm and gentle, but also she has this, like, vibrancy that kind of shines. And then the second time I went to the retreat was Easter and it was a talking retreat and so we got to talk to each other and shared our stories and then as a result of that, Ange came and joined my alcohol experiment.
Ange:
In August last year.
Emma:
In August last year. And so that's one of the reasons I wanted to bring Ange on. First of all, to introduce herself, tell you about her, and then to tell you guys about what it was like to be part of the alcohol experiment. So I have done way too much talking. I'll hand over to Ange.
Ange:
Thank you. Oh, my God, I'm so excited when you asked me to do this, I was like, yes, finally. I'm in her podcast and in her life, because I watch them and I see them and I relate to them, but yeah, so a little bit about me. It's funny, because I remember seeing Melissa Joy many years ago when she did matrix energetics, and she got introduced by Chris Hooper with this array of I've done this and she's done this, and she just came out and goes, hi, I'm Melissa Joy. So I will give you a rundown. My trade is a yoga teacher, a meditation teacher, and then I'll be soon to become a healer. And I loved healing for so many years, just scanning your body and knowing that whatever's going on in your body, I could tell you whatever's going on in your physical life, I could tell you what was going on in your mental capacity, and I could say, this is whatever it's a condition you had. I will give you a biography of your life based on your biology. And what I found over the years was people just stick to being sick or stick to you being a healer. I was fortunate to become a neuroscience trainer with Dr. Joe Spencer, and I did that for six years with him, travelling around the world by his side. I don't share that a lot. People, when they find out, they're like, oh, you're a doctor, Joe trainer. Yeah, I was pretty much by his side for six years. So I learned a lot with Dr. Joe, and I learned that's when I became more passionate about the mind. And so I progressed through that and then over in 2016, I decided I wanted to just do something different and go back to being more hands on with people. So I learned to become a coach with Dr. Joe. That was part of my transition, coaching. And I realised coaching people takes them further because we've got a goal and we're working through it. So that's been my journey, and now I still do healings. Of course, that's my trade. But I do now work more on coaching, and I work a lot with businesses, getting them out of their stuck stage. So I love it. And that's my history. So meeting you was phenomenal. I stopped drinking in 2020, pre Covid, right? So it's really funny. I tell everyone, I reckon God was watching me and said, you're not going to cope with what's about to happen in the next three years, so I need to smarten you up. So 11 January 2020, I went off to India, to Kerala, and I did an ayurvedic treatment for four weeks. And they give you this stuff and you put it in your nose, and it basically cleans my whole pathways in my brain. And I remember I swore to go every year because the amazing results of who I became after that was just phenomenal.
Emma:
It was really interesting. Let's talk about that.
Ange:
I was amazed because even though I'm a yoga teacher and I come from a third world country, when people say, oh, you must go to India, to Delhi, I'm like, no, I don't do third world anymore. Yeah, I must have been that in the past life. I've got that with our first world countries now. Anyway, I would go to the doctor and say, I'm having these nightmares. And I would have nightmares of things that I did when I was young, in my twentys. And he would say, oh, you're purifying. And I'm like, no, they're nightmares. Things that I did. I'm running. And he goes, oh, no, you're purifying. And he basically said to me, how much did you used to drink? I said, oh, about a bottle of night. And he said, oh, how long were you doing that for? And I said, about ten years. And he goes and he just calculated and he goes, this is how much you drink? And I went, oh, shit. I never thought about it like that. You know, a bottle a night times, say, seven days a week times 52 weeks. And I just went and he said, can you stay here for six weeks? I said no. I can't. I can push it to a month. So I stayed for a month. Anyway, I came back January february 11, 2020. And I had no desire for cigarettes, and I had no desire for alcohol, and I was blown away. And I thought, this is fantastic. And then Covid hit, March 15. Our company sent us home, and I was watching everyone drinking, and I was like, oh, wow, I don't want to drink. I don't want to drink. Then the last lockdown, July 15, 2021, I was organizing my birthday, and we went into lockdown, and I went, right, I'm done. And I brought the bottle out. I just thought, I'm doing another six months of eating donuts, because what I was doing, I was trying donuts from all over the place in Melbourne until we had a five K radius. And so I started drinking wine again. I went back into the wine, back into the champagne. And you would know this. When you drink, you start to hide. You start yeah, you start to I'm not going to people invite you out. You're like, oh, no. And all I was looking forward to was like, what am I going to drink today? Champagne. Yeah, I did a good job this week. I saw this amount of clients. I'm going to buy a berkeley coat. I wouldn't spend $140 on two bottles of berkeley Coat, because my story was but it's a good champagne.
Emma:
Yes, I hear that so much. If it's fancy, it's okay.
Ange:
It's an actual Dan murphy's. So I'd drink my best friend, and I'd call her. I go to Dan murphy's, go for a second bottle. And I was just doing that. And what I started noticing, I was putting on weight, sleeping in, because I was working from home then it was like not getting up at 730 to even bounce on the trampoline or do a 15 minutes workout. It was just five to nine. And I get cranky the next day when I drink. Not when I'm drinking. When I'm drinking, I'm all laughs. And I used to be one of those people that people would say, Where do we turn you off? If I'm naturally like this without alcohol, can you imagine it with alcohol? So people would tell me, Where do we turn you off from? My aunt is in Columbia. Go, where's your off button? And I'd be like, come on. Anyway, so come December, I was still drinking. And January, now we're in 2022. And when I'm still drinking and weekends became like, oh, I'll buy two bottles just in case, because then Dan Murphy closes at 09:00, and I could be drinking till eleven. So you'd get that extra bottle, that third bottle, just in case. And I never, ever bought cases of wine. I never bought cases of anything, because I knew what I would do. I finished the bottle, not to go to the next one, so I just did it to knowing that I'd drink the bottle, and then I probably might make another glass or two, and then you're out, and I'll dance on my own, and then I'll put a love song and start crying. Anyway, come January, February, I coached this personal trainer, and I helped him get his business started. And he would come to me every so often and say, I'm at this stage. What do I do now? And I said, Go to nutrition. Don't become one of those pts out there that just do the physical body. You've got to do the mind and you're got to do so I sort of coached him in a way, for him to work with women. And I will never forget this day. I got this amazing client. He's a bricklayer. When you progress people to the next level, they almost become your coach.
Emma:
Yeah, totally.
Ange:
Stage of his life where I remember going when he came up. But I just need him to get to this point. And once he gets to this point, we're done. And it was on the third session when he said and I've come to this awareness, I said, we're done. And he's like, what? And I was like, you. Seriously? Go. I just needed you to get there. Anyway, we were instagramming. He started sending me reels, and he sent me this reel where the reel was saying, can I swear or no, maybe not. Yeah, cool. It was a 30 not even. I think it was a 15 2nd reel where it says, fuck your depression. Fuck you this. Get off your arse. Get out. I just saw that and I went, that's me. I go, oh, my God. This is talking to me. And I was like, yeah, I should get up and do something. I've done nothing. And all I was thinking about was for 05:00 to come so I could drink wine, because I never drank during the day. And he goes to me, come on, teacher, get off your ass. And when he said that, Come on, teacher, I just went, Shoot. I'm not an example here. And he's a guy telling me, now, come on, you can do this. Look at me. So I texted my train this PT and I said, hey, Jerry, and I can come and check out your new studio. That was my way to get in because I was too scared to say I need help. I couldn't tell him I got a problem. And he said, sure, come and see me. And so I said, all right. And then I said, I can't see it until the 16 February. We're on like January 26 or something. And then I don't know what happened on the Monday. I just said, this is bullshit. This is another story you're saying. And so I texted him back. I said, look, I can come prior to before February. And he goes, Great, I'll see you there. So as soon as I walk up those stairs at his studio, he goes, how are you going? And this is someone that I'm looking at a studio that I help built because I coached him there. And I just started walking up the stairs, and I just burst into tears and I said, oh my God, Joe. I'm in a terrible space. I'm not emotionally stable. I'm not mentally focused. I don't know what to do. And he's it I said, I don't know how you can help me. And he goes, okay, let's stop. And he's one of those people that doesn't hug you. Yes, but as I'm one of those that I'm like, oh, and I'll cry with you. So he just set me down. He goes, So what do you want to get out of this? What do you want to do with me? And I said, I know we've got four bodies. We've got the spiritual body. They're mental and the emotional and physical. My mental and spiritual bodies are really strong, but my emotional and my physical are weak. And I know that if you can help me with my physical, you'll help me with my emotional body. And they said, Right. So we started training. Now, I had no intention of giving up alcohol. What had happened was he gave me this whole thing to track. I had to track these macros and those macros, and I was like, God, this is full on, right? So anyway, basically, the alcohol went on the back burner because I had to train, I had to drive all the way up. I was fine to drive. I got up at six, I had to leave my house at 630, I could be there at seven and so to come and so I had to get up the next day. It was just alcohol that just went and come and fast forward. Easter came and everything was great. I've been losing so much weight, I lost 10-12 kilos. And then I went travelling to fiji. And even in Fiji I was getting up and training. I just sent photos. Yeah. And I said, what do I do? And he goes, Just take it easy and just take one week off. And I say no. I need to train. And I probably trained twice in Fiji, but it was more because I was relaxed. And anyway, I met someone and I remember that night drinking and I thought, jeez, God, that guy drinks a lot. Because I know the old pattern of the stop button. I was drinking to keep up with him.
Emma:
Anyway, it's so common, isn't it? It's so often that that's how we get into that. It's like for kids to keep up.
Ange:
With other people and you get back to your old self. And you and I both know this from all the work that we've done in research on alcohol. The subconscious goes back to the last time you drank. It doesn't measure. One drink, two drinks, and you'll find it goes, oh, here we go again. Sends it to the brain and says, Come on, totally bring it on. Both know, that's why we have a high overdose on people that relapse, because their body just goes back to that old state of, this is how much I used to tolerate, and it pushes it that little more. Anyway, we dated and every time he came to Melbourne, it was all about drinking. And I would say to him, this doesn't work for me. It's hard for me to get up on Monday and go training and it takes me a whole week to get back on track. So I would say to him, when you come to Melbourne next, can we not do this drinking thing? Because I was at a point now in my life that drinking was just not a priority anymore. But like I said, I wasn't my intention was not I never acknowledged I had a drinking problem. It was more, I'm emotionally not well, and physically, I need something to get me emotionally, because clearly there was an emotional problem that I wasn't addressing.
Emma: Well, that's exactly it, isn't it? And we always say that, don't we? It's never about the booze. The booze is like the coping mechanisms of sticking plaster.
Ange 00:19:51
Exactly.
Emma 00:19:53
There's something that your body feels like it needs to have the booze.
Ange 00:19:56
Exactly.
Emma 00:19:57
To calm it's distress.
Ange 00:19:59
Exactly. So I never acknowledge that I had an emotional problem or a drinking problem. I just acknowledge that I'm not well, things aren't going well and I need some kind of stability. So yeah. So anyway, when I went to Sydney to be with this guy that I was dating, it was my birthday and we drank. Yeah. This was the day that I went, I have a problem. It was Tuesday, arrived on July the 12th, and we literally drank from 12:00. We start off with champagne and the cheese, because that's what because it's all sold to you, you know, cheese, all media being sold to you, the cheese and the quince and the crackers and, and the olives and all of that. So it's all, it's a package. And, and he, he used to drink piper, which is a French champagne, so it makes it okay. Yeah. And so we drinking at twelve. Then by the end, I remember when I met him, he was drinking some Jose queer Boticilla and I said, mate, you don't know real tequila. Let me introduce it to real tequila. And I introduced him to Don julio, which is $130 bottle. And I said, I've been to Mexico many times and you don't need no lemon and there's no salt. It's just a very good quality Don julio and you sip it. So I'm teaching him how to drink proper tequila. And you don't sell tequila. It's a sip, enjoy it. But of course, a bottle and sipping warm can go down quite easily. Especially good quality tequila. It just goes so smoothly. And so on July 12, we were drinking at lunchtime and then we move on to he would say, we can't make margaritas with Don julio, we just buy this cheaper. And I was like, oh, okay. So he would do the margaritas and then he was a vodka drinker. And I love vodka and soda, but because I've learned so much about tequila, I used to be like, no, give me a little shot of tequila and I'll see it. And this guy was into cocktails. Now, I wasn't really big on cocktails, even as a drinker, just cocktails. I just used to think it makes you it's a horrible hangover. I come from a family where all the males on my mum's side drink and all the males on my dad's side drink, with the exception of maybe one or two. My uncle would always say, if you're going to drink, you just drink one spirit and that's it. Don't mix them and line your stomach.
Emma:
Eat.
Ange:
Well. I've never seen my uncle drunk. He drinks and he's fine because he lines himself and so I got into that habit of eating well and then drinking so I could drink for longer periods.
Emma:
Yeah.
Ange:
So when we went away to his farm, we literally drank from 12:00. And I took all my gear. I made him buy his porridge and everything for my morning breakfast, my macros. We didn't do any of that. We drank champagne and the platter from 12:00, champagne and the platter, and then we moved on to cocktails, maybe have something to eat. We moved on to cocktails, and then we moved on to vodkas. And that went on for six days Sunday. And I remember thinking, god, I can't even remember a lot of that week. It was a blur. I just remember snippets. And you think, oh, my goodness. And I remember this. I came back drunk from Sydney on the airplane. I slept the whole way. I don't know how I got home. And I remember cancelling my trainer and I now moved on to another trainer and I cancelled my thing and I didn't go on the Monday.
Emma:
That's terrible.
Ange:
Yeah. But you know what happened? This is where I woke up. I got home, I got up for work because I had to work and I thought, I better clean the house. Come 12:00. My body was craving champagne.
Emma:
Yeah, right?
Ange:
So guess what I went and bought? I went to Dan Murphy's and got a bottle of pipers and I started champagne at 12:00 on Monday because I've done that for six days.
Emma:
You were suddenly a lunchtime drinker. That was amazing how quickly these things happened.
Ange:
Take hold, isn't it? Really? Finish the bottle, clean the house. And I was like, what do I do now? Should I get another bottle? Now I'll get Don julio. And I walked to Dan Murphy's and I got a bottle of Don julio and I started at 04:00. 1 shot and I was doing little videos and I was sending it to him. And then the next day I said to him, hey, you got to pull me up on that shit. That's wrong. And he goes, I will never pull you up on that because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I went, I'll hang on a minute. You won't pull me up on this because you don't want me to pull you up on you. And that's when the penny dropped. Oh my God, I know what I've done here. I have met him at his level because that's him. Because we don't connect at my level. When I met him, he was in awe of me training and the way I ate. He goes, do you eat like this every day? And I go, yeah, every day I eat like this. I track my food and I train three times a week and I walk 10,000 every day. And I've got to admit, I was a lot smaller than now because now I'm training a little bit differently. And he started training and doing F 45 and he started eating properly. And so I thought, oh wow, I like that I'm an influence on him. But then I never asked about it. Then when I couldn't we weren't connecting at that match anymore.
Ange:
So I matched him at his level and his level was drinking. That's what he liked. I mean, he loved his body. And it was when that conversation where he made that comment about I would never pull you up on it because I've been there. And I was thinking my coaching and therapist mom went into you haven't been there, you are there and I'm there with you because it's easier for me to come to you because I've been there. And you stay up there with me because you don't know how to hold my vibration. And that's when I thought, oh my God, I've got a problem I need to address. I need to look at this. Now, I had never looked at my alcohol drinking because in my eyes I only drank at night and it was between five and ten. I was in bed by 1030. That's like and we have this idea.
Emma:
Don'T we, that it's the sort of, you know, person who's kind of drinking in the morning. And I know that that is a situation or the person who's lost their job, lost their family, they can't harder. With your authenticity, with your integrity of who you are and you're doing something and you're like the next day you're like, oh, I kind of wish I had that. Most people are. And I love that you say that because you are so in integrity with yourself. So it's quite unusual that you would do that. But it's also very normal, I think, for women to do that in relationships, because I need to connect and we want to love and we want to be loved and we want to be kind and we want to make the other person feel good. It's such a strong thing.
Ange 00:27:39
I felt like I know the pain that you're reading, so let's not make your pain bigger. I'll support your pain, okay? I'll come to you. And so that was on a Wednesday when we had that conversation. And so that's how I sort of thought, okay, I need to look at this. And I did a little experiment because I married an alcoholic when I was in my twenties, late twenties. And so I used to always wonder why he was apathetic. I didn't even know the meaning of the word apathy until I asked him when they said, what's apathy in? And he said, People don't care. And I said, oh, that's you. So I did this little experiment where I wanted to observe my drinking and when I wanted more because. I wanted to know, why do people stop at you? How do you do that? I said, how do you stop? And I watch people, they can. I've had enough. And I'm like, oh, God, I wish I could say I've had enough. I'll be like, let's keep going. I'll go to people's houses with champagne with three bottles, one for one for me, and we might share the second one if we have to, you know what I mean? Anyway, I did this experiment on Thursday where I drank. On Friday, I observed how I felt, and I just watched what I was doing. And what I noticed was on the first day when I drank, where I wanted more, at what point did I want more? And then Friday, what I observed was the next day I had a client. I've had a couple of clients, and I cancelled them because I was observing what my body was doing. And so my body was saying my mind was sending messages, what am I going to drink today? Going into that, what am I going to drink today? And so I cancelled the two clients and said, listen, can I move you to Monday? Whatever. Got my little thing. And then on Friday I said, okay, today is the day that I'll look at it and say, I'll stop and now observe the weekend. So I understand Friday I drank. They said I said, okay, now it's.
Emma:
So important and what you're saying, this observation, this awareness, is such an excellent preparation for anything that you're going to do with booze, because we don't really understand unless we become aware, get curious. So I really appreciate you sharing it.
Ange:
So then I thought I'll observe my drinking and see what happens. And then on Saturday, I thought, okay, now let's observe what I want to eat, how I feel. And I noticed the first thing in the morning, I want bacon and eggs. And I was like, oh, there's a body craving now. Everything to eat. And I said, no, you can't. Yeah, the comfort food is you could stick to your food. I'd already arranged to go for a walk with a friend. So we started walking. And it was only then that I realised, now I understand why my husband was apathetic. Because the next day, I didn't care about anybody. I just didn't care about anything or anybody. I just became this grumpy whatever by Sunday, because I've read so many books on alcohol. I said, okay, now let's observe what my body does when the alcohol starts to wear off. And I started to notice the sweats, the not being able to sleep, and how the alcohol stays in your body. So then I jumped onto your website because I thought, okay, I met Emma for a reason. I don't believe we met by accident. I said, let's have a look at coaching. And I looked at your website, and you had this five day sober thing. So I said, okay, let's do this for five days because I need to clear my mind. And I had already said to this guy that I'm taking some time off because I need to work on something. Can we catch up on Monday next week? You go do your thing with your kids. And he goes, Sounds like a plan. So in these five days, what I did was I started to plan the break up with him because I realised that connecting with him is is not being favourable to me. Me being with someone that likes to drink means that I'm just going to join them at that party and it affects me and it affects my relationship with work, my family. And I've got a beautiful relationship now with my family, so I didn't want to jeopardise that. So I did the five days with you and that was great. And I had a clear mind, so I was journaling in my head what I was going to tell him about the breakup and not make it about drinking. It was going to be about my drinking, where I was at and how it doesn't work for me and that I need to either accept where he's at and be able to maintain a relationship with him or I've got to walk away because this isn't helpful for me. And I've come so far in my physical and training that I've come so far even in my emotional body. That's fine. So come Wednesday when I was going to do the talk and I was five days sober, I just finished the five days with you. Not with you, but your little feet. He sends me a text and breaks up with me.
Emma:
And I was like, remember this?
Ang:
My God, how do you break no, you're going to listen to me. I can't believe you just did that. How old are you? Anyway? You're starting the 30 day experiment on the Monday, the 1 August.
Emma:
That's right.
Ange:
And I remember doing that master class with you on the Monday and you were saying if you yes, that master class because I listened to it. And if you do it now, you get free coaching with me. And all I wanted to say to you and I think I've got a problem. I think I've got a problem. Okay, you know what? I'll do this day with her just so I can get 30 minutes with her because I used to think you are not accessible. And it's funny the things that we.
Emma:
Think about each other, isn't it? You meet people, you make all this yeah.
Ange 00:33:12
You don't know. And so you said, look, if you pay whatever, you get half now with me and we start blah, blah, blah. And I said to you, now look at the way my brain was thinking. I said, Em, can I get back to you on Wednesday? Because that's when I was going to break up. And so depending on how the breakup went, depending on whether I was going to do the 30 days with you, how's that? Am I making sense? And you said, no worries, love, that's fine. I hung up. We got off the master class and I just went, I can't believe you just did that. You just put yourself in the position of him and his decision, decide where me and my body are going to go. So we do that.
Emma:
We do that as women all the time.
Ange:
We just drop it for them. And I remember going back to you straight away, go, no, I'm doing the 30 days and here's my $450. Okay? Ignore that. I was ready. I said, I'm doing this. I'm doing this for 30 days, and I'm going to do an experiment. I know what I'm getting myself into. So the magic about that was I did, you know, because everyone does this. Everyone does. I'll do my last drinking. So I did my last Sunday. Yeah, there's a bottle of champagne. I think I only got a bottle and a half. And on Monday, I started my 30 days. Now, the alcohol experiment, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I thought I was just doing, let's just do 30 days, no drinking. I didn't know it was so impactful in the way that it had a sequence and a video to watch and it had science behind it and it had journaling. Now, I encourage my clients to journal. I'm not a big journalist. I do my five minute journals, but I don't journal my feelings. And so I jumped into it and watched the first video and ask you questions about how you feel today? And during the day, what came up for you today? And then at the end of the day, how was your day? And I just went, oh, this is great. I was journaling. And what I started to observe in the 30 days was I was going through an emotional break up with somebody and I was rejected. You were going through a loss. And my go to was alcohol. My go to when things didn't go well, emotionally, was to drink. So as soon as that was happening and journaling, it was like I was crying, but I was writing my feelings. And I'm going, I'm really hurt. And I feel a little bit lost and just riding and going to sleep and then waking up a little bit sort of tired the first few days because I wasn't giving my body that kick of the alcohol for that little bit of the evening. And as the days were going, I was just observing how I was feeling, and I realised I have never really observed my emotional state when something bad happens in my life, I've always been about, let's just numb it because it's just easier to numb the pain, to feel the pain. So those days, I was just writing down everything that I was feeling, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm actually crying. I'm actually angry. And then on August 10, so we broke up. July 27. Yeah, August 10. I was made redundant. And I just went, oh, okay. I just was like, how do I feel about this? The first thing was like, oh, good. I've got money. And the other part was like, oh, shit. I haven't got a job. Oh, shit, I'm doing this alcohol experiment.
Emma:
I've got a breakup.
Ange:
And I remember just sitting and doing that evening call with you because we did calls with you every night and then said, guys, that's redundant. And you're like, oh, you call me. And I was like, no, I've got this. And I continued on. I said, I'm going to now process this. I mean, there was rejection in ten days. Double rejection. Got dumped. Then I got dumped by work. It's like, God, what else is possible here?
Emma:
That is a lot, isn't it?
Ange:
And I just said, I've got to continue. I've got 30 days. It's just 30 days. And I just kept journaling and listening. And I had to finish one book because you were doing Grace and what's her name, the alcoholics?
Emma:
Annie Grace's This naked Mind.
Ange:
I was reading the book along with the 30 days. So I was getting all that information, plus you were giving us information, plus I was journaling. So I was like, I'm getting informed. You know, dr. Joe says, knowledge is knowledge absolutely but knowledge applied is wisdom. And I said to my people, the only difference between you and I right now is that I've got knowledge about this, and I'm applying it. But if you have information about this, you can ease your pain by understanding what's going on. So I got to the 30th. It was 30 August, and I had my session with my psychologist that day. And I get to my psychologist, and I said, hey, Jim, how are you doing? Good. How are you going? I said, I'm on 30. I'm not on day 30. And he goes, and how are you going? I started crying. I said. Look, I'm okay. I said that. But I want to get to the point that I am now with cigarettes. I don't desire cigarettes at all. And right now, the way that I'm feeling, I'm still desiring that drink. I still want to have that champagne. I want to get to that point where the world will come crumbling down, and I don't go for a cigarette. So I want to get to that point where the world comes crumbling down, and I want that drink. So I'm doing another 30 days. And he said, oh, well done. I said, yes, I'm doing another 30 days. And I said to you, I'm doing another 30 days. And this time, I didn't do journaling. Because the 30 day experiment is so nurturing, because you're prompted every day. You've got this backup. We have you there every day doing Live. Then we have this video every morning to prepare you for the day, what could be coming up. And I felt like I was in sync with your videos, because I would just crave kombucha. And I go, you know what? I'm going to go buy some kombucha. And then sure enough, I'm listening to a podcast by uberman saying, when you stop drinking alcohol, your body wants kombucha. I like fermented food. So I felt like I was in sync with where you were going next. And so I didn't do the journey, but I just kept observing, and I just kept doing I said, Just keep training. Keep doing what's working for you. I got to the 30 days again, and I thought, oh, this is great. I'm not desiring it. And I said, okay, let's just keep going. So I just thought there was no I never said I'm never going to drink again. I just said I want to get to the point that I don't desire it. And if I said I don't desire it, then it's like I don't desire having a hot tub.
Emma:
Take it or leave.
Ange:
Yeah. So I got to that point. We're in 1. March is next week. So that's August, September, October, December, January, February. I'm going to spend eight months alcohol-free to catch up with friends. And, yeah, my friend came back from Poland. He had this beautiful Polish, and I said, yeah, I can taste a little bit.
Emma:
That's so true, isn't it? Because the alcohol experiment isn't actually about stopping drinking. It's about awareness. So you take 30 days off if you can. If you can't, it's totally fine as well. And I remember when I did mine in January 2020, I went in just.
Ange:
Going, Right, I'll just give this 30 days ago. And here I am three and a half years later. And you know what the funniest thing is? I've never been into replacement drinks. I was thinking, you just don't drink.
So I remember buying the fake bottle, thinking, what if I don't, like, make it? And I thought, oh, well, I'll just take it and give it away to people anyway. I absolutely loved it because it does taste like champagne. I can drink the whole bottle. And to be honest, I'll probably drink about two glasses and maybe the third one. Then I'm like, no, I've had lots. Because you realize the only reason you're drinking alcohol when you're drinking is because your body, the alcohol wears off and you're going for the next kick. Yeah, because I'm not getting that. Losing the kick. I stopped. And so the funny thing is, now I've always got alcohol free champagne stuff by the case because, great, I'm not going to drink it like I used to.
Emma:
No, you can actually keep it.
Ange:
That's the thing, isn't it? It's like it sits in your fridge.
That never happened to me when I was drinking. I would never have let a bottle. Of wine just sit in my fridge. Because I know that I'm going to. Want more after that half a bottle. So now people come over. I don't even drink alone. Non alcoholic alcohol, it's when a friend comes out, things like that, isn't it?
Emma: When you got people around?
Ange:
Yeah. Or I go to someone's house, I bring my own alcohol. I love the alcohol experiment. And I just thought, God, if I was doing this to quit alcohol, god, imagine what would happen. I just did it just to see. I just needed to be nurtured while I process my emotions through a breakup and through redundancy. There were two unexpected events. Yes. That's that today. Now, like, I've had worse things happen. And I just look back and go, god, thank God I don't think about that bottle of champagne anymore.
Emma:
Oh, my God. Totally.
Ange:
I had the week from hell last. week, and I was so thankful that I didn't want to drink. I was like, Everything can go to shit. But if I don't drink, I know I can handle it.
Emma:
It's going to be okay. And my little core, my little essence of self, my soul, or whatever you want to call it, is always going to be okay. And I know I can rely on that little intuition, but I think it was so interesting what you were saying about that month being a month of nurturing, because I like to think of it as being that it's a place for us to come as women.
When we're drinking, we don't process. And so we keep stuffing it down. Stuffing it down. We can't work through it so we can't ever get to the other side. It's like it's constantly being pushed down, suppressed.
Ange:
Such a good yeah. And even the part where you sort of think, now I look at my life and I just think, God, like, I have friends that go, I was watching celebrities, so the celebrity the other day just I go, oh, you got all these actors that don't drink anymore. I was just scrolling. And one thing that one of the girls from Everybody Loves Raymond says is that when she decides to stop drinking, Peter, the guy that pays the fathers, she said, how do you do it after work when everyone's having a drink? And he says, I just think about that first drink. And then what happens with a second drink and then what happens with the third drink? By the time I process that in my brain, that desire is gone. And I'll go, wow. That's what I do. I just think, oh, that first drink, I know that feeling. And then I know what's going to happen with the second drink, and I think I'd rather wake up tomorrow and feel 100%. And that's what I look forward to. I've got a trainer friend who says to me, what time do you get up on Sundays? I got about 7730. And that's sleeping. But if I'm drinking, it'll be 10/10:30. That alcohol experiment just opened up my awareness of my emotional journaling and the information that we get on the videos about alcohol and what it does in the brain. And if everyone knew what alcohol really does, I think no one would be drinking.
Emma:
And I think what you've done, what you did over that alcohol experiment, you were a really great participant because you really entered into it, and you came on as many lives as you could, and you got coached and you shared. And you were vulnerable. You gave other people permission to be vulnerable too, and to share their common experience, their common humanity with you. And I think particularly being the kind of spiritual person that you are both physically and mentally as well. The thing that we don't realise that opens up when you take a break or when you stop drinking is that our access to our peacefulness, our quiet, our feelings, our emotions, our true, authentic self, it's much harder to tap into.
Ange 00:47:50
I feel that this is the truth. Since August the first, the amount of miracles that have happened in my life are unbelievable. It's because I've got clarity and I'm making choices now that are really clear, intentional. And the choices that I make, I just go, no, that's not going to work. My expression and your boundaries are stronger. I find myself now just going, no. When I was organising some stuff, my neighbour said, Come to the Georgia. I'd rather get together and have a conversation. And with drinking, there is no conversation. And even now, I don't even have to think about what I'm going to say because I'm sober. And people say, you're actually quite funny. And I said, I'm sober. So you find this person in you that you think, god, why was I hiding? You yourself? And I'm absolutely gorgeous. I'm way more confident sober than without. Colin, one of my clients said that to me because you're probably the only person I've met that doesn't drink now for confidence, I go, yes. I don't drink for confidence. I have far more confidence now not drinking than if I drank. There is no way I would have gone to function without having at least three or four glasses before I got there. Now it's like going on my own. Are you going on?
Emma:
If there's a bit of awkward silence or a bit of a hanging around, you just have to make peace with it.
Ange:
The world is not going to end. If anyone's out there thinking about doing the 30 days, just do it for curiosity, for the experiment, and just observe yourself. Like, I love observing myself every day with a new frame. And not every day was the same. One day it was an angry day. One day it was a sad day. One day was a joyful day. One day was unstoppable. The next day I dropped and it was just like writing that down, what came up to that made me drop and what happened? And observing 30 days of you, when was the last time you observed yourself consciously for 30 days? We don't, we're consciously observing everybody else. That's right.
Emma:
And just paying attention to yourself for 30 days is an act of love. It is an act of love to yourself. And it's like saying, yeah, I'm going to give myself 30 days. 30 days of not drinking. But more than that, I'm going to give myself 30 days where I'm going to watch a video, I'm going to do a reflection, and I'm going to join a coaching call because I'm going to prioritise myself for a change.
Ange:
Remember when I met you, I was like, oh, yeah, I stopped drinking. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was still in denial because it wasn't that I'd stopped drinking. Just drinking wasn't a priority, so the binge stopped, but the occasional drink with my friends of cocktails was continuing, but it just was further apart. It wasn't daily. Now I don't think about what it just doesn't even cross my mind.
Emma:
Well, that's it. I mean, we have this idea as a society that people who struggle with drinking, it's just sort of what used to be called an alcoholic, the person on the street, or the person in the family. But that's not it's a huge spectrum, and it's really about because people say so many people google, am I an alcoholic? Do I have a problem? I remember before I was stopped, I was looking at aa. And I've got people who I've been coaching who they don't drink most of the time, but occasionally they'll have a drink, and what bothers them about it is it's not intentional. It's like something gets a hold of their subconscious and something's driving them, and they don't understand why. And so the work we often do is what's driving that unintentional, impulsive, compulsive behaviour. And that's when you get into our beliefs, around ourselves and all the rest of it. Again, don't be fooled by the idea that there's only one very small number of people who have a problem with drinking. As Ange knows, and as I say, a lot, it really is a continuance.
Ange:
And I came to the realisation that it was controlling me, that's it, you know, and getting those 30 days gave me an opportunity to get my control back. That's what I found in those 30 days as well. The alcohol controlled how I thought for that evening and controlled what I was going to drink at what time and what options I had later on. Now, during those 30 days, I was now, okay, I'm going to be out of control, but at least I'm going to be in control of the out of control. I'm going to monitor that out of control. And it was just in an emotional state that I just needed to go on and observe it, just observe what's coming up or there's anger, there's sadness, and come back to the presence. And I just feel like the body is going well, the emotions are going, oh, finally, she's listening to me, rather than you're always drowning me. Because that's what I feel like now, that I was drowning me and my emotional state, rather than honouring and feeling the emotional state.
Emma:
It's so interesting. That shift in perspective is all it takes. In actual fact, like you say, it goes from it's controlling me to I'm in control again. And I hear so many people who struggle with drinking, one of the things that they have is, and it's been stuck for quite a long time, is this idea that when you stop drinking, it's like you're being controlled, you're being restricted. And that's one of the things we talk about in the Apple experiment, is actually you need to think of it in a slightly different way, because it's actually, when you drinking, you're being controlled, not the other way around. And I think once you start thinking of taking a break from drinking or stopping drinking as a form of freedom, as a form of rebellion, as a form of independence from a controlling substance, it really does help.
Ange:
And I hear it so much when people go, I did it. I did not drink for a year. And I go, how does that feel? And they go, Great. I went to the gym, I lost weight. And I go, I don't even say anything. And then they go, yeah, I know. And I say, yeah, I know. Is your body saying, Here we go again. So I won't give up what I have now for that lack of control, because it does control you, controls what time you get up. It controls what time you go to bed. It controls what you're going to eat. It controls everything. And there's that impulse. I was doing my tax in 2021, and I just watched all the cigarettes and Uber eats and alcon. $225 a week on alcohol. That's a grand amount.
Emma:
Well, I was reading jill stark's book Highest Sobriety. Recently because I'm having her on Thursday. That was written, I think, in 2017 or 2018, and she said that on average, people were spending twelve grand a year. So that ties into what you're saying. And I always used to smoke if I was drinking as well.
Ange:
No one knew that I smoked. I used to smoke only at home. I was a closet drinker and a closet smoker. But even so, I bought a car, cash and people. Like, how did you do that? I said, and the truth was, it was worth two years of not drinking. I was able to save $25,000.
Emma :
Amazing. What can you do with that kind of money? That's huge, isn't it?
Ange:
Yeah, it really is. Thank you.
Emma:
I really appreciate you telling your beautiful story, because it really resonates with people. Everything you're saying is, like, so relatable, and you are so relatable.
Ange:
Thank you.
Emma:
And I know, and I will be I would love anything that ange does. She is such a nurturing, such a gentle, wise woman, and so much fun as well. I would highly recommend anything that she does. And I wanted to just hand over for a second to Ange to tell you guys what she's got coming up in case there's anything that might be fun or good for you guys to do or tell a little bit about any other work that you do and.
Ange:
How to get hold of you. Cool. So, look, in all my years that I've been doing all this kind of work, a lot of people call me a manifesting queen because I manifest so easy. I just do it. It's like, no, you're focusing on what you don't want. Let's focus on what you want. So I've got this little workshop called The Law of Creation. I think it's on the 26 March. I don't know, but it's on my website, and it's just teaching of the tools that I use. So there's certain things that I teach people that aren't in the out there in Manifesting, and I'll call them the musthaves. There's a little bit of a criteria on in manifesting, so that's coming up soon. The other thing that I teach a lot of is I'm putting a lot of my work online this year, but the one thing that I can't do online is access bars, which is a process that we do on the head, which calms the whole nervous system. And it just starts to release the files from the brain. So any files that you're looping, any stories, it just gets through. And that's non invasive because there's no talking. It's really good for people with anxiety. adhd, that's me. Depression. I've had people with ptsd say to me, after two sessions, I'm not having those nightmares anymore. I was like, oh, great. Come and learn it. So that's one of the workshops that I love, because it really does make a change in your world. When your nervous system calm, then you can then function. But when your nervous system is out of whack, you're responding according to your nervous system.
Emma:
That works so well with the work that we do as well, because, again, people drink. It's a nervous system response. That's why we're drinking, because we're dysregulators.
Ange:
Right, exactly. So this is a way of letting the nervous system calm down for you to have more clear, mind delete part of them serving you. There's points I've got a very good memory, but I'm at a point now that I just think I forgot about that because it's no longer relevant in my life. Yes. And that's because I've deleted. Just let it go. Yeah, that's what I do. I teach meditation and yoga. I do it at the ashram. It's just a gift. It's my way of giving back to the ashram. I love you, though. It's beautiful.
Emma:
If you ever get to go down with Ange, she's an amazing teacher. And that type of yoga is quite different, isn't it, than other types of yoga. Do you want to say a little bit about what it's like?
Ange:
Yeah. So we come under the tradition of such and under yoga, which is more instructional rather than demonstration, and we prepare the body for meditation. So a lot of the poses are all about bringing the body to quietness so that you're able to sit for meditation, longer periods. I love the teaching. It because it brings me back. So when I teach, I've got to come back to my why I started this work in the first place. And so for me, yoga, meditation is my foundation of what I do. And if you want to see the one on one, of course I've got coaching and I've got healing sessions, but I'll give you a link to my website and it's all there.
Emma:
Would you say what it is? Do you know your website address? Can you say it now?
Ange:
Yes. www.angelarojas.com
Emma:
Thank you.
Ange:
You're welcome. I really appreciate it. Take care. God. Oh, my goodness. Guys, here we are.
OUTRO
Finally. Three months have gone past and it is time for the doors to open for the great Aussie Alcohol Experiment live. I am so excited. This is my favorite program. This is the program that made alcohol a small and irrelevant part of my life, completely changed my life. I cannot even imagine living the life I was living before I did this program. And it's been transformative for many, many thousands and thousands of people. This is my Aussie version. And what you get and why this is so special is you get daily content, so you get education around alcohol, around our culture of shaming and blaming and we kind of really get into that and turn it all around so it becomes a very cool, rebellious thing. We have daily coaching, which is awesome. So I do a little bit of teaching around our limiting beliefs that we hold around alcohol and then I work individually with each person who wants coaching every single day. So if you're having a wobble, if things are tough, you know, at a certain point every day, you can come on and chat. We also have a beautiful Facebook community, hugely supportive nourishing. And as I said, there's a daily content to your inbox and some journaling reflections to really bed your new transformational thought processes around alcohol. And I'm going on about this because. It really changed my life and it took me from a place where I was having 30 day breaks that felt like hell to a 30 day break that felt like heaven. And it felt like heaven because it became something I wanted to do rather than something that I felt like I had to do. And I felt like I had done something wrong and there was something wrong with me. And this is all about there's nothing wrong with you. Let's take a 30 day break. We don't have to make any decisions about what we're going to do with alcohol. You can do whatever you want at the end of it. There's no pressure. You can just go back to how you were before, you can put some tools in and try and moderate. You can take another break. You can move towards an alcohol free six months year. Everything is open. No shame, no blame, no judgement. It's a lot of fun. And also we do get into some pretty meaty subjects, so it's quite exciting as well. So if you found dry January and February made you feel a bit shitty about yourself and it felt like you were constantly in deprivation, we'll get into why you might be thinking that and why that's totally human and how you can change those thought processes in so many different ways. We'll talk about socializing, we'll talk about our cultural conditioning and then we'll also talk about the facts about how our car works with our body. So if you are on the fence, don't be jump on. It was the best money I ever spent on myself and I highly recommend you jump on. Doors are open from the 20th and we close on the 28 February. The link is in the show notes. I'm doing loads of lives in the lead up to it, so make sure you hop on there. I'm going to be popping out loads of podcast sessions as well. It sounds like I'm popping out babies. It literally feels like that sometimes. Anyway, my lovelies, I'll see you soon. I hope to see you in the alcohol experiment. The great fuzzy alcohol experiment live last.
Little notification in case you've missed this one. We have a master class on the 27 February and that is going to be at 730 and it will be an hour long with Q and A. And it's all about the five surprising ways that taking a break from alcohol can be effortless and change your life. So if you have time on that evening you would like to join us, I would love to have you here.
Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of midlife af with Emma gilmore. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram for your friends and tag me at Hoperizing coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast, please review the episodes for me on Apple podcasts.
