Welcome to this week's episode of Midlife AF. This week I'm going to be talking to my friend and fellow Gray area drinking coach and also recently diagnosed ADHD Human about socialising and socialising and being alcohol free and talking about community and friendship and all that kind of stuff as well. Faye is amazing because she has written, she launched Untoxicated, which was absolutely seminal in our community for offering sober meetups and she did a Ted Talk on it and she runs her own coaching business. And I love her. She's a great friend. So I'm going to hand it over to me and Faye talking about socializing sober or alcohol free, however you like to call it. I hope you enjoy it.
Emma 00:01:06
If you're a woman in Midlife whose intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move, then Midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counsellor, Psychotherapist, this naked mind and Gray area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting, quirky, teens, menopause, relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more, that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else, if your intuition is waving her arms manically at you, saying it could all be so much easier if we didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our groove without boobs. So nice to have you. It's so lovely to talk to you. I really say we're talking about friendship and community today. And I know many of you will know who Faye is because she's a legend in this space, because she has done a Ted Talk on exactly this subject, because she founded Untoxicated one of the very coolest things in the world. World leading, amazing, runs her own business, my friend, most importantly. But in case you don't know her, Faye, would you like to introduce yourself?
Faye 00:02:30
Well, I think you pretty much said it, so I thank you for that wonderful introduction, Emma. I myself have been alcohol free since late 2017. I was always a massive party animal and one of the big things for me in changing my drinking habits was always the social side. I just couldn't imagine my social life or life in general, but particularly my social life and what that would look like without alcohol. And then when I did stop drinking after that initial period where you just one day at a time and then once you've got a little bit of a solid foundation, then I was like, well, what do I do now socially? And there just really wasn't anything at all. And I thought there must be other people like me out there who I think if you're in a recovery program, for a lot of people, that does provide a social outlet, but for everybody else, what do you do? And going back to 2018 when I started Untoxicated we weren't sorry. Where we are now, so much has changed just in quite a short space of time in terms of options available to people, alcohol free products, all of those sorts of things. So it was sort of whistling in the wind. What is there? And so that's why I started Untoxicated and it's been really beneficial to me, actually, in my own journey, because I think when you are connected to a community of people, not only is that useful into sustaining your own sobriety or reduction in drinking, whatever your goal is, but also it's the accountability. There is an accountability as well by being connected to others who are on the same journey. Found it Untoxicated and I ended up becoming a grey area drinking coach myself. I'm currently not sure if it's a diploma or Master of counselling yet. Still working out which level I want to go to. And I've previously done study in psychology, so I've got the coaching counselling, the Psych, and yeah, just continuing on this journey and seeing what unfolds, really. I think it's a really exciting time for us where we're starting to see some quite significant momentum and change in this space, which is great for people because it's really just about giving people more options. That's it.
Emma 00:05:32
That's exactly it. And I came across you through Untoxicated initially before we became friends, and I was just astounded by what a cool concept Untoxicated was. Do you want to talk a little bit about Untoxicated and how it works?
Faye 00:05:57
Sure. So really, I was just sort of making it up as I went along, to be honest, as we do. So I started it as a meetup group in Brisbane and then that was starting to gain momentum quite quickly and I was like, oh, this is surprising. Like, we've got 300 members. Wow, this is insane. But in the beginning it really was like I would turn up and there'd be one other person. So I almost gave up quite a few times. But it started as a meetup group in Brisbane and then a friend of mine in Sydney actually said, oh, we need something like this, Sydney. And I said, oh, well, we can start a group there if you like. And so then she, as well as another person, started hosting down there. And then on the back of the 730 Report segment that we got, we just got so many requests from people wanting what we were doing, so we opened another one in Melbourne. And the way that it works, really, is that it's people like you and I, it's people with lived experience, it's people who want to make those connections that host everyone's a volunteer and they pick whatever events it is that they want to hold. Might just be going to the movies, might be going for a coffee, could be going for a bushwalk, whatever it is and put it up on meetup and people come along. They're usually quite small groups of people, sort of five to 20, really, depending on what the event is. And you don't have to be sober 24/7. There's no, like, hi. I'm fine. I'm an alcoholic. You're there for the social side. But generally what happens is then you do make friendships with people who are on the same journey as you, and lots of people are there who might just be taking a break, having a night off, doing it for health reasons, doing it for culture just because they don't drink in their culture. Whatever it is that you're not identifying by coming along as someone who is necessarily a problem drinker, And I think that's quite critical when you look at things like Park Run, you don't have to come along and go, Hi, I'm a beast. Or, Hi, I've got a bingeing problem, or, Hi, I've got an injury. Which means or whatever, you just turn up, you're with other people and you run a walk. And that's what Untoxicated like as well.
Emma 00:08:53
Yeah, I mean, I joined Untoxicated I think I can't even remember when I joined, but it would have been way back when I imagine it would have been in 2020, when I stopped drinking and I've met people. It must have been, mustn't it? And I met this beautiful group who now we regularly meet, we all know each other. And actually, do you know what, it's interesting because they're actually a group of people that probably some of them probably would have been friends with anyway.
Faye 00:09:21
But some of them wouldn't.
Emma 00:09:22
But there's just this lovely connection when you see the people and you're like and everybody does different things. So I do things that are more like sound healing. I like doing ecstatic dance stuff. There's another host in Melbourne who does she does like, comedy festivals and dinners and we sometimes do theatre. And the people are just lovely. It's a bit like and I'm going to say, and I can't help but talk about ADHD, can we? But it's a bit like when you meet fellow neurodiverse people, and when you meet fellow people who are on a journey, whatever that journey may be with, there's something special about the vulnerability of the friendship, even if you never and we don't really talk about not drinking at all. It's literally just like, this is where we are, we are enjoying the experience. It's like very just lovely and lightweight and just a really nice way to go out and do something you'd like to do anyway. But often it's things like, oh, I might not try that, but that sounds really fun and if I can go with somebody else, then I have a bit more.
Faye 00:10:37
As we know, the research shows that for people that do stop drinking, or those that don't drink, what happens is, because of peer pressure, they either come out and end up drinking or they study in and become socially isolated. So neither of those are ideal to sustain behavioural change. And why would you stop drinking and make those changes or cut back drastically whatever it is that you're wanting to do when you've got to stay in now all the time and your existing social connections are fractured, which can happen to a lot of people. Social anxiety is often in the picture for people. There's a strong comorbidity with anxiety with people that have alcohol dependence of any kind. And how do we facilitate spaces for people to learn how to do those things without alcohol that feel psychologically safe but also feel like something they're going to want to do that is fun? I think it's really important because there's new skills that we all have to learn when we walk this path. And that desire for connection is quite strong when you're six months alcohol free and you're sitting home going, I know I can't do the things that I used to do because A, they're boring to me now, and B, I just don't want to put myself in that environment. But how? It's a Saturday night and I'm stuck at home, this is shit. But if I go to a meeting it's going to be full of people who are on the pitch. So what do I do about trying to cultivate those options for people?
Emma 00:12:47
Absolutely. And I don't know. Faye, what was your my experience was, like, my really good friends stayed really good friends, and generally, they were the people who probably didn't have as much of an issue around Booth because they were very willing to move things that they did with me to, like, breakfast or walks or going to yoga or whatever it might be. And then some weren't. And those people, we haven't had a big drastic breakup or anything, but we just don't really hang out together like you say. I don't particularly want to go and spend a lot of time sitting around with people who are drinking because I can do 2 hours and that's probably my Emma because it gets really boring and also you're socially drained. I find for me I can do 2 hours and then I'm peopled out - like a lot of sensory overload from people. It's almost like I have a people hangover if I spend too much longer than that in the company of other people. So that's an issue for me. What was your experience personally when you stopped drinking in terms of friendship? Are you okay to share?
Faye 00:14:00
Yeah, totally. I remember sitting in an AA meeting quite early on and when I first stopped drinking because I was just throwing everything at it. I was like, right, I'm doing all the things, everything. I'm just going to try everything and hearing people say well all your friendships will be gone now. And I was like, fuck that. No, just the same as I was like fuck that. When I don't know if I swear the whole thing about being sober is boring and all that, I went, no, I'm redefining this. But much like yourself, the reality is that you are going to lose some friendships and that can be quite painful because sometimes it can be people that you least expect. And for me one of those was actually my best friend and sometimes things don't survive. But then I encourage people to look at any major life transition they have. When you go to uni, when you get married, when you have children, when you move out of the area, all of these sorts of things that happen in your life, whether we like it or not, impact our friendships and this is another one that's going to do the same. So expect that that is potentially going to happen, but it doesn't mean everyone's out. Lots of people are able to transition from the pubs and the clubs to let's meet for brunch or let's go for a bushwall or let's go to the movies. Don't go in expecting the worst if you're on this path, but also know that there will be some shifts and time will tell. But, yeah, that was definitely a part of it. Because even with those existing friendships still remaining intact, I still didn't want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night with those people, which I had tried to do, because I was like, I just don't want to be sitting here 2 hours with people who are getting hammered. I don't want to try and prove and this is what I see with a lot of people in early sobriety, definitely that nothing's changed for me.
Emma 00:16:58
Yeah.
Faye 00:17:04
Correct. But you've got, you've got to trial and error this stuff. It's like what before we have a child, we're like, it's not going to change my life, I'm going to be packing around the world and I'm going to make a new splash. That ain't happening. And what you find as well the longer you are on the alcohol free path is that actually you learn a lot about yourself. Like you're saying Emma, where 2 hours is my limit, but also you're starting to want richer and deeper connections and you're wanting richer and deeper conversation with people and you're not going to get that in a bar shouting where you can't even hear each other. These are where the shifts happen.
Emma 00:17:59
So true, isn't it? And I think it's been really interesting. My journey has been so that I have met amazing people like Faye and my other friends who are alcohol free, but I've also made some amazing connections with people who still drink but who are interested in other stuff revolving around it. And I found these people through swimming that I love. And they're like, my closest friends in the area. And we meet and we have a book club together and we talk about really juicy things about life and real deep stuff. And I love that they're all into learning and just really into the same sort of stuff as we are. So it's also like, things can open up for you. New friendships are around the corner as well. So that's kind of exciting, too, I think.
Faye 00:18:56
Yeah, I think that's the thing, isn't it, is that every ending opens up space for something else. But it's just we don't like pain and we don't like change, and we're catastrophizing like, oh, my God, this is never going to be friends unless I keep trying to do the thing that I was doing before, when actually we're opening up space for new things. And I think also you've touched on this, Emma, that we start connecting with those parts of ourselves that maybe have been suppressed because we've been drinking for a long time and our main hobby has been alcohol.
Emma 00:19:50
Yeah.
Faye 00:19:50
So how do you know what you like? If what you're always doing is catching up for dinner and drinks or meeting at the bar or house parties or whatever, how do you kind of.
Emma 00:20:07
Have.
Faye 00:20:08
Space to explore what some of these other things might be like? When your default is always the come on, let's go and get on the pillow.
Emma 00:20:23
And if, like ourselves, you've been drinking since you were very young, you've got no idea what you like or even who you are. It's like, no idea.
Faye 00:20:35
No idea.
Emma 00:20:36
And that's why I think the most extraordinary thing for me is coming out at 40 whenever I stopped, 46, I think, and finding that I really, literally didn't even know who I was, let alone.
Faye 00:20:52
Yeah.
Emma 00:20:55
Did you have an experience like that at all?
Faye 00:21:01
Yes, I did, because I remember when I came out of Detox, just going, my whole life is going to have to change everything, every single thing, every single area, and how I operate in the world. And that is terrifying, but also it's quite exciting at the same time. And so that was when I said to myself, right, this is where the curiosity came in. I went, okay, you know that there's going to be challenges here, but let's see, rather than rejecting this and being too fearful, let's see what's going to unfold, how's it going to be like, wow, it's going to be so like, a wonder. And really taking that sense of possibility and sense of curiosity to go, I've got no idea, to be honest, how this is going to pan out, and I'm just going to roll with it. And this will be the first time in my adult life where I've done this because also I didn't have children at home, so there was that as well, because it's like, I'm living by myself. I don't have anyone else at home. This is for the first time, too. So this was all the things and how terrifying, but also how exciting at the same time.
Emma 00:22:49
Yeah, totally.
Faye 00:22:50
Yeah. How about you, Emma?
Emma 00:22:52
It's like that. I think I met a couple of people. I came across a couple of people, particularly Annie, and people like that, who were like, this is actually really freaking amazing, and you're being a massive rebel, which appealed to me, of course, and what if it was awesome? And I was like, okay, move the thought. It is all awesome. It's not. Of course it's not.
Faye 00:23:25
That would be a lie.
Emma 00:23:27
And as they know, I've had an absolute pig of a week. Nasty and pleasant week. Very nasty. But I'm so fucking glad I'm not drinking.
Faye 00:23:41
Yeah. Because as well, when you do go through those difficult times and it is challenging, you then get that experience to reflect on, to go, okay, historically, had I been drinking in this situation, actually, it probably would have been a lot, lot worse. Just in terms of the way I responded to things, the way that I maybe blew up at the situation and exacerbated it, the way that I prolonged the agony for myself. Saved. In agreement. Yes, all of it. But I have heard people say, especially with Antox, when we had the support group, I'm doing all the right things and I'm still not happy. Still not swinging from the chandeliers. Yeah, this is live.
Emma 00:24:47
Sarah and I have been talking about this a lot. I went up and stayed with them in Brisbane a couple of weekends ago, which was so lovely. Yeah. We've just been talking about this sort of thing so much that a lot of the time we are drinking because our lives are troublesome for us. Things are hard. Things are really hard. And so we take the drink out and we have to deal with the fact that we've been drinking for years to do all sorts of things like push on through when we're completely exhausted, put up unpleasant relationships that are not working for us, putting up with jobs that we're not happy with, the home life that we're not happy with, expectations that we put on ourselves that we just can't do. The only way that we can sit down is all these things. And so people are like, well, why am I so exhausted? I thought I'd be jumping off the ceiling. Because it's like because you can finally fucking rest. Finally your body's got.
Faye 00:25:53
Yeah. Honestly, I hear this all the time with my clients, that they realise that they're more introverted than they thought, or they're like, I really don't want to go to the thing on Friday. I'm actually noticing that I'm really tired and usually I would just push on through with the alcohol or lots of people use alcohol to manage an unhappy relationship.
Emma 00:26:18
Yeah. Got you.
Faye 00:26:19
They do. But the other thing is as well is that when we remove the alcohol and this is another thing that I see from my clients and was the case for me, you are going to a stuff is going to come up that you've been suppressing for a long time and you're going to start to see things more clearly. But also there might be some underlying mental health stuff there that you had never dealt with or never even recognized was actually in the picture. And sometimes you might feel worse before you feel better, the longer term better, because you're actually starting to get the root causes of things and seeing what's in the mix for you. It's a ride, isn't it?
Emma 00:27:16
And I would say one of the things that I think that does help for me being neurodivergent and going on this journey is the risk taking element because I'm a little bit more willing to go, let's see. Let's just try.
Faye 00:27:41
Yeah. Whereas I think people who have had very similar lives have remained fairly similar for a long period of time. So, for example, you've got 30 year friendships that you made at school and you've lived in the same place, and you have been in your job for a long time, and blah, blah, all of these sorts of things. I'd imagine for someone who at that point, it is probably really hard mentally to make these shifts because that's a lot of change when you're not used to change.
Emma 00:28:24
And there's all the fucking stigma. Sorry. It's a sweary life there.
Faye 00:28:31
We love Sweary Louise. That just made me laugh. It's all the stigma.
Emma 00:28:49
That's it.
Faye 00:28:50
There's all the stigma. And this is the thing that I'm always banging on about, which is to my mind, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm neurodivergent, that this is just ridiculous. Why? Everybody in this life has something. They've got mental health issues. They experience TV, they experience addiction. Why do we pretend this stuff doesn't happen to virtually everybody? So everyone's like, oh, don't see the thing that's going on. For me, I've got to pretend that I'm not saying that you should go out and show it for the rooftop. I've got an alcohol problem, or I'm in a DV relationship, or whatever it is. The point being is that people suffer for a lot longer than they need to be because often they think I'm one of the only ones that's going through this. It's just removed from the truth. That's why I think the community of friendship is so important, because we need to be around others who understand, and we need to be around others who normalise. Excuse me? Normalise what we're experiencing and also normalise where we want to be. Can't be what you can't see. Yeah. And so unless we're singing one of many you can't be what you can't see you can't unless you see.
Emma 00:30:59
It'S.
Faye 00:30:59
Funny, actually, because with my clients, they'll say they will remember someone who they have met or has been. In their sphere that has been sober and they will latch on to that person as a role model and keep remembering and going. Actually, I had a lot of respect for that person. Even when I was drinking myself, I had a lot of respect for that person's journey. So why am I automatically assuming that everyone's going to think badly of me because I'm not drinking?
Emma 00:31:32
It's so sad. The stigma is so sad. So we need to keep getting out there and telling our stories and making it normal like you do. Yeah.
Faye 00:31:53
This is what an alcoholic or a substance person with substance use disorder or a grey area drink or whatever you want to call it, looks like. Like this.
Emma 00:32:05
Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with not nothing wrong. Nothing.
Faye 00:32:12
Well, there are a few things wrong. There's a few things wrong. But
Emma 00:32:24
Again, nothing wrong with us, just different.
Faye 00:32:28
But I think it's that thing about can we all just stop pretending like we're seeing with mental health that's happened over the last 20 years. Okay, everyone's now going, you know what? Yeah, I've been depressed or I'm struggling, or we need to move these other areas that people experience along. And DFv, for example, has made some headway as well. I'm hoping the alcohol stuff or the addiction stuff more broadly will go that way, too.
Emma 00:33:05
Yeah, absolutely. There's so many different things around this in terms of our society being non conducive for people to thrive. And I recently saw somebody and as you know, and I talk about this a lot, but I'm having problems. Both my kids are struggling with school at the moment, going to school. And there was a beautiful quote somewhere, and it was saying, if the kids are struggling, then we need to look at the culture, because if our kids are struggling, so many kids are struggling at the moment with mental health, with school attendance. It's endemic. And what they're saying is that it's like an elbow test. It's a canary in the bloody tunnel.
Faye 00:33:55
Mine shaft or whatever. Yeah, whatever that is.
Emma 00:34:03
Exactly. They're our barometer and they're falling by the wayside. And then we like we're wondering why we're all drowning and we're all trying to keep up, like you say, this facade that we can do all this stuff and pretending to be all these things that are just totally made up rules by which we have to live that are not created to help us or to make us thrive. And they're just created to shame us and blame us and make us feel small and just be productive and not well.
Faye 00:34:37
They're created to make us good little bit worker bees and consumers and pay tax and comply and all the rest of it without getting all conspiracy theorists. We know that power structures that are in place are not really designed to have a workable society and workable economic systems and workable political systems and all those sorts of things. But I think it's no sign of health. I'm not sure if it's Cabo Marte who said this to be well adjusted to a sick society. And I think we're seeing the same with all the male suicides. I read the other day that in New South Wales, they had a 10% increase last year and they begin to see whether that is replicated across the country. But these things are an alarm bell ringing. Something is going wrong with the way that we live. I was just going to say, and this is why lots of people are turning to drugs and alcohol.
Emma 00:35:51
Yeah, absolutely. And the saddest thing about it is this idea that problematic drinking is something that is only a small amount of people, very different, very different to the regular people. And what we're talking about here is stigma is it makes people afraid because they think there's a problem with there's a weakness with them. There's no weakness with anybody. We all like Faye and I and everybody we know who stopped drinking or is reducing their drinking because it was becoming a problem for them. We haven't done that because we're these weird little oddities, we've done that because it wasn't working for us. But we're very normal. We're not these strange others. Apart from my Sparkles.
Faye 00:36:48
It'S the other ring. It's the other ring because we always think these things happen to other people and it's convenient then to push that into a neat little corner over there and go, okay, well, they brought it on themselves, so off they go. They can deal with it, AA can deal with it, the hospitals can deal with it. And whereas actually what we're seeing is here in Queensland, I think alcohol is involved in a third of hospital admissions in emergency. Yes, it's hugely involved in domestic family suicide, child abuse, sexual assault, all of it. So it's not just the individual that it's impacting. It's impacting communities, it's impacting families, it's impacting workplaces, it's across the board. And I think it's because the alcohol stuff is so pervasive. It doesn't matter whether you're a lawyer, it doesn't matter whether you're earning 300 grand a year, you've got as many people, the substance might be different, you might not be doing eyes, but you're probably knocking back hundred bottles of whatever that nice wine is and going, It's okay because this is a nice habitations. And this neighbour, it's across all areas, it's across all socioeconomic categories.
Emma 00:38:44
It's not another, it's actually the normal. I would suggest that the other is the person who isn't the person who's having one drink every three weeks that has that sort of relationship with alcohol, that's the other, as opposed to the rest of us, who are not the other.
Faye 00:39:07
Part of that as well sorry to interrupt him, but part of that as well is the narrative that we have held so far to date, which has been perpetuated by certain recovery programs. And so. On, which is either you're fine or you've got a problem, and actually there's a huge sway. The people that are in the middle.
Emma 00:39:34
Yes. That's what gets to me about those other programs, the problems with you. It's like, no, the problem is not with us. That's not problems not with us. To bring us back to what we were talking about, say, and I've just which I love.
Faye 00:39:58
You are tuning in for a travel community.
Emma 00:40:06
Because it is important because of this. Because it's by being with other people, like, in these beautiful groups that Faye has founded. It's by being with other people and listening to other people's stories and hearing that you're not because that's the thing. We only feel shame when we buy into the idea that we're alone. As soon as we realise that most other people are like us, we're all kind of in this huge humanity of people living similar lives with similar issues and concerns. Then suddenly it just feels like it all feels lighter. And you feel less responsible for your own life, personally at fault for what is purely an addictive, addictive substance and a reaction to an addictive substance.
Faye 00:40:57
Yeah, that's right. I think that's the power of common humanity, isn't it? And I think also birds of a feather flock together. And so when you are someone who drinks heavily or you're someone who engages in any particular kind of lifestyle or behaviour, you are attracted to other people like you. And so that is your normal. Your perspective on what, quote unquote normal is is based on what you see generally in your immediate environment. And it was quite a shock to me to realise that actually there were quite a few people out there that just didn't enjoy it, didn't really like drinking or didn't drink at all, or drank very moderately. I was legitimately quite surprised at how many of those people were out there, because I just thought most people were like me in some respects. Not maybe as hardcore as me, but most people drank similarly. That was the basis of their entire social life, really, was catching up with mates and drinking.
Emma 00:42:18
Yeah. Fascinating, isn't it? If you can't see it, you can't be it.
Faye 00:42:27
Agree.
Emma 00:42:30
And other phrases that we're.
Faye 00:42:34
I don't know who it was.
Emma 00:42:39
You can't see it, you can't be it. I love it.
Faye 00:42:43
It's not mine. It's probably Tony Robbins or something.
Emma 00:42:46
All right, maybe someone will tell her. But for now.
Faye 00:42:53
I would say to people as well that this is one of the number one concerns. People when they do make changes to their drinking habits are around the friendship side of things.
Emma 00:43:08
Yes.
Faye 00:43:09
People that I speak to, it's a serious concern. What will I say to people? What will other people think? Will I lose my friendships? How am I going to navigate this situation? I've got a wedding coming up or a holiday coming up. How on earth am I going to do this?
Emma 00:43:29
And a lot of it is also I don't want to make a big fuss. I don't want all the attention on me, I don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't want to make it all about me. And there's a lot of that. I don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. There's a lot of that.
Faye 00:43:47
I think also, sometimes people don't want to have that commitment out there because they're still undecided and they're still experimenting. So they might be like, I'm dipping my toe in. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm just going to try and do a month or something. And I don't want to declare to the world that this is what I'm doing or this is, you know, so I don't want to sort of come out as someone who's a non drinker at this point. And then that's totally fair.
Emma 00:44:21
Exactly right. Exactly right. Exactly right. And so, Faye, I will ask you a little bit about your business, because you are a wonderful sober coach as well. But just before we get on to that, what advice would you give to somebody who was thinking of taking a break or thinking of getting sober curious, or thinking of stopping drinking? In terms of friendships, what would be your recommendations for them?
Faye 00:45:00
Oh, I think what I said earlier, really, is go in with an open mind, but also don't go in expecting the worst. It's likely that changes will happen, but they might not be as large as you think. You might still retain a lot of those friendships, but in a different way. But also, you don't have to prove yourself to anybody. That's another thing. You can take this at your own pace. And if that means for you, you want to hibernate for six months because you just don't want to do any social things, that's cool. You do that. You do what you need to do to look after you. If that means you still want to go and do all the things that you were doing before but you want to have alcohol free replacements, that's cool. It's all trial and error and about you working out what feels okay to you and you're not going to know that until you're actually doing it.
Emma 00:46:14
Yeah, that's great.
Faye 00:46:16
And also it will change because what feels okay to you in the beginning, six months, twelve months, if that's the path you decide to go, you might be on a completely different trajectory by them. So I would say really go in with that sense of curiosity.
Emma 00:46:43
Yeah, definitely. That's brilliant advice. Brilliant.
Faye 00:46:48
See what I'm fault for you? And there might be some loss, there might be discomfort, there might be some change. That always comes with it. A whole raft of opportunity.
Emma 00:47:00
Yeah, absolutely. And there's some awesome communities out there if you want to join them, like Faye’s Untoxicated, which is brilliant. And I think if you just look up Untoxicated I'll put it in the notes underneath. You can find that there as well. There's also a couple of communities as well. They do some events, too. There's lots of nice places that you can go and find people who are doing meetups in your area.
Faye 00:47:30
Yeah. What's that? Sorry?
Emma 00:47:35
I said you can see Faith.
Faye 00:47:37
If you're in Brisbane, see me if you're in Brisbane.
Emma 00:47:54
Yeah. And then events like Piccolo and that's Justine and the Boost free pub. And there's all sorts of things going on. I know that we will put those on Untoxicated as meetups for sure when they come up.
Faye 00:48:12
And there's things like Ecstatic dance or no Lights, No Light for those sorts of things are alcohol and drug free events. And they're great. Yeah. So there is definitely building momentum. There's much more out there. But also the other thing is you don't have to necessarily do alcohol free events. What you can do is join meetups for things like you've done Emma with the swimming, which is daytime stuff like hiking or kayaking or rock climbing or, I don't know, discussion groups, whatever it is. And you might find friends that way as well who aren't their central focus.
Emma 00:49:03
That's exactly right. That's exactly right. That's great advice as well. And Faye, myself and the lovely Sarah Connolly have been meeting because we are planning something very exciting. So watch this space on that. For those just listening, Faye and I did some weird hanging and a mysterious Faye. Anywho, Faye, before we finish up, thank you so much for coming on and talking with me. You're always a beautiful and very popular guest. Will you please share your amazingness with this community and tell them how they can reach you and what you offer in terms of your business as well?
Faye 00:49:54
Okay, thank you. Yes, I do grey area drinking coaching. So that's the specialty that I'm trained in, and that is for people who are generally high functioning drinkers. My clients are usually professionals, male and female. Usually, I would say 35 to 55 is the general. And they are drinking more than they want to and they're often performing really well at work. But it's impacting areas of their lives in a lot of detrimental ways, including really their relationship with themselves. One of the biggest ones because of the shame and the self flagellation that often goes with it. So, yeah, you can contact me, Faye Lawrence, or one word, fayelawrence.com.au And I do also work with single sessions, too, so I do single sessions and monthly packages for anyone that might be interested in that.
Emma 00:51:10
Thank you for sharing that because Faye is a wonderful coach. She and I have trained together and we have a lot of time for each other because we are both we love each other and also very funny and hilarious, some would say.
Faye 00:51:28
Well, you and I both have the you and I both have the counselling background as well as the coaching, which I think is important. Even though coaching is different to counselling and psychology, I do think it's important to have, or certainly advantageous to have mental health knowledge and training to help people in this space because there's often trauma, there's often things going on for people that even though you might not necessarily be tackling in the sessions, it's important to be able to be equipped to know how to work with that in a responsible way.
Emma 00:52:22
I agree. Well, thank you, my darling.
Faye 00:52:24
Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Bye.
Emma 00:52:32
Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Midlife AF with Emma Gilmore. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram for your friends and tag me at Hope Rising Coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast, please review the episodes for me on Apple podcasts. That really helps. If you would like to work further with me, please go to my website, www.hoperisingcoaching.com, for my free and paid programs, or email me at [email protected], sending a massive cuddle to you and yours from me and mine. And remember to keep choosing you.
