Emma:Hello everybody and welcome to this week's episode of midlife AF super exciting. I have my mentor, I'm in Tina towers mastermind group, which is for women entrepreneurs. And she's been really, really helpful to me in kind of helping me pull together my business and my business strategy and working with other like minded human beings who are doing this, this journey of entrepreneurship. And she has this great mission that she wants to get more women with more wealth a bit like Denise Duffield Thomas as well, you know, because they both feel that you know, women are and I know sounds probably a bit sexist, but more likely to be purposeful and bring a trial. I'm playing around with words here but I want to bring something pretty good to the world. And I think we do see that in our female entrepreneurs are certainly the ones that I follow anyway. And so I know Tim has got a lot of stuff going on this week. But she has taken a year off our car and she talks us through how that was for her and what difference that's made in her in her business and how she shows up for her family and everything so over to myself and Tina if you're a woman in midlife has intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move. Then midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counselor psychotherapist this naked mind and gray area drinking alcohol coach Eamon Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting quirky teens, menopause relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else. If your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier if we didn't have to keep drinking. Come with me. Together we'll find our group without booze
I lovingly acknowledge the boomerang people of the Kulin nation as the custodians of current Baroque. I share my admiration for the Aboriginal culture. I witnessed the connection that they have for each other and the land and their community. As I swim in the waters and walk on the land, I feel the power of this place. I'm grateful for the Aboriginal peoples amazing custodianship, the power, beauty and the healing potential of this place. I wish to pay special respects to the elders of the Buena, wrong people. Their wisdom, guidance and support are exceptional, and felt well beyond the Aboriginal community. I honor that this is Aboriginal land, and that it has never been ceded. I am committed to listening to the Aboriginal community and learning how I can be an active ally in their journey to justice.
Emma GilmourThank you for coming and joining me on this live show today, the fabulous Tina tells my absolute pleasure. Hello, everybody. And just This is Tina, I will get her to introduce herself to you. I'm sure that many of you already know who she is. But Tina is my I guess she's my coach. I'm her mastermind. I've been in her Empire Builder for two years. And I have learned so much. I've launched I think five or maybe even more iterations of my signature course. The great Ozzy experiment, and Tina's guidance, Christian membership platform, created lots of different tiny offers and just being able to get my message around being a woman in midlife and being alcohol free out to the four who are supposed to hit a hitch that sounds awful. So yeah, to really smack in the face. So Tina, you've been a great impact on me and we are going to talk a little bit about your experience with your year off reducing the impact that that's had on your business, but I know that you have an amazing mission. And it would be lovely as well for you to share what you do in case there's any people on here who
Tina Tower
Sure. Thanks, Emma, and thank you for having me. It is so nice to be able to do this. Oh, I've got a busy day today. I've got all of our I've got like five hours of coaching calls to podcasts. So it's like a nice day of just chatting to really awesome people, which is, which is good. It's a good thing. So I've been in business my whole life. I've been playing this game since I was 20. I've been in the online world for six years now. And it is my favorite thing that I have ever done. So I accidentally found this wonderful world of online education. And as a teacher, in my past life and curriculum writer, it just fit everything so incredibly well. And I really do think that wealthy women change the world, and that we need more equality and opportunity and freedom and just confidence in what we're doing. And so I'm extremely passionate about it, one could say obsessed. I started her Empire Builder, we just turned three. So three years ago now, which is, you know, our mission is to be the best online education for female course creators in the world. I want to help 100 Women make a million dollars by 2025, we've just reached the first four of that 100. So I'm very excited about that. Because when women have wealth, they share it, they do good things, you see them invest in other women's opportunities in investing back into their families and community. And so we see it time and time again. And I think women just need more permission to be able to do things like that. So that is what I am all about.
Emma GilmourYes. And it was just, it's just been, I totally agree with you, Tina, and I think this idea of getting wealth into the hands of females assigned at birth and human beings is just such a, such a wonderful mission. And just and changing that mindset, a lot. It there's a lot of alignment, I guess, in terms of, you know, the work that I do with women and the work that you do with women in that there's that the changing of mindset from feeling that we you know, maybe that we're not enough and that we that we have these kind of limiting beliefs around ourselves, and actually, nine times out of 10, they're not true. And once we can get our mindset if we can, we can change those perspectives through which we see the world. And we can take the brave steps to do the thing. And put ourselves first and start to honor ourselves, then there's a possibility of great evolution, and would you call it purpose driven human beings out in the world, which is just so wonderful. So I praise you for that. I thank you for that. And I honor you and I just know that one of the reasons I wanted to come on and talk to us is that she has had her very own experience of being alcohol free. She decided to take a year off. Tim, do you want to talk a little bit about that? Yeah,
Tina Tower
yeah, so I got myself I didn't actually drink alcohol until I was like 27. I was late in terms of your relationship with alcohol. I also couldn't afford it. When I was young, it was a major. And anything that I tried, like the cheap stuff that a lot of my friends were drinking, I was like, that's, that's not me. And then I did everything quite early. I got married when I was 21. I had a baby one at 24 and one at 25. So I was pregnant and breastfeeding for a few years as well. And then I started franchising. And when I started to hit success with that at like 2728 I had a nice gin and I was like this is the most fabulous thing that I've ever tasted in my life. And I tended to then go into a thing where I made up for lost time of what I missed in my fun use. I became a bit of a gin connoisseur. I got a little carried away. And then towards the end of my last business, I was drinking way too much. So I was probably going through a bottle of gin every fortnight. And so I was kind of getting to that three, four o'clock every afternoon and we'd have a couple of drinks and that became my normal then sold that company so got rid of a lot of distress that came with that we traveled around the world for a year, came back and then got in the habit again of just drinking too much so I would drink probably three to four nights a week. Often very very delicious, high quality gin. It was my go to and got to the Wait where I was going, I just feel like I'm in this loop of, I don't have eternal like the clarity that I used to have, I don't have the energy that I used to have. I just wasn't feeling like I was as well as what I wanted to be or could be. And every area of my life I'm quite hyper disciplined with in terms of like, optimizing my potential. Like, if I can get an edge on performance, I want to be able to do that, yeah, always have a high level of excellence. However, when it came to alcohol, a part of me was like, I'm so hyper disciplined in every single area of my life. This is the time where I can relax. And this is my thing that I can relax with. Anyway, I wanted to see if I could just just not. Because if I tried to go like, like a weekend, all I do all weekend was think about it, and I want it and it really pissed me off, that I wanted something along that line. And so that was where my year without it came, I happened to go to a local health retreat that was near us called Alyssia. So it's in the Hunter Valley, which is a lovely health retreat, if anyone's looking at going to a few days away. And they had a doctor there who was talking about the effects of alcohol on the brain, and the long term effects that we have on all of our organs and all of our differences. And I've also been like, a couple years ago, I started gaining weight, and I hadn't been able to shed any of that as well. And so all of these things kind of looped together. And I was like, Okay, I think it's time for me just to do like not forever, but just to see whether I can so I committed to the year. And it was awful. At first, which made me realize how much I needed to do it. Because a lot of people you know, I hear people now that talk about alcohol free life, and they're all very zen about it. And all very like, you know, it's the best decision I ever made. And I've never felt better. And I have so much more clarity, and I have so much more energy, and I'm so happy with that. However, the first six weeks were awful. I was so mad about it. And then I was so mad at myself that I was mad about missing it. I was like, what is the glass here? And then I'd like to try and commit myself again. I can just have one. I could just have one. And then I wouldn't. So I didn't have anything. So I started that last December. And I have had four drinks in that time. So I haven't been totally perfect.
Emma GilmourYou don't have to be well,
Tina Tower
So you know what Emma was? The interesting part was, I think I actually feel better, having not been perfect with it because I was so scared of what would happen if I got a taste for it. And it was an accident. The first time I was having a mocktail, I was handed my friend's cocktail by accident and took a sip. And I was like, devastated. Because I had been so perfect that it's ruined. It's all gone down the drain. And so that was a really interesting mental exercise . Actually, I don't have to, like I don't have to derail the whole thing. Because of one slight slip up. So I only had that clip for them. And then I had a cocktail on the last day of the end of the financial year. We'd had our best financial year that we had. And this was the thing with the Association of like commiseration and celebration. Yeah, celebration. Yeah, it was a big thing. But I actually wanted to say because in my ideal life, I don't, I don't want to ever touch a drop of alcohol again for the rest of my life. However, I never want to be a weekly drinker again, for the rest of my life. I don't want that to be part of my existence. But on a special occasion at a wedding on Sunday, I would like to just have one very high quality, very delicious drink and enjoy it guilt free and be done with it. That was my goal. So I feel like I can do that now. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. That's so good. It's such an interest. And
Tina Tower
I know what I should say. Probably should say
Emma GilmourI would say that that is for me. The goal with all of this stuff is awareness. Right? intentionality? It's not abstinence. It's never abstinence. Abstinence is a decision you can make. But it shouldn't come from a place of scarcity or a space of like, Oh, if I do this, then I'm going to be you know, it's like, let's meet let's be intentional about what we're doing. And let's understand why we're doing things so that we're not being we're not being controlled by something outside. Yeah,
Tina Tower
That was exactly the thing that I wanted to break.
Emma GilmourYeah, entrepreneur. And you know what, and it sounds like you've done a wonderful job of it. And you know, I love that you've got those data points and you're able to go, Well, this is what happened then this is why I needed it. That's the learning, right? Because you're learning and this is where perfectionism gets us, Bhagat really? Yes.
Tina Tower
I do think that I had a drink in that first couple of months. I think it would have all been, I think that it was very important for me to have that. That total, absolute absolute absolute for that first couple of months because I was too on there. I really do think like there was a friend of mine. Oh, my Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing to say. But I think it'd be very helpful to people. There was even because I stopped drinking. Like the second week of December. So it was like a week, just over a week before Christmas. So we then had Christmas, we then had parties, and then we went to Bali for two weeks. So like, it's like, cocktail city. You know, you sit on us. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, there was some of that I was talking to you the next day. And she had this cocktail, and we were friends at two parties. And I smelt it. And I smelt it and I was like, like, just like let it here and are like if I have a sip of that. I would like, hook it to my bae. Yeah. Yeah. But no did not. And so I'm really glad that I have broken that. And I'm glad that now I don't think about it. And I don't want it either. Yeah, like it's not something that I feel tired or exhausted and go, Oh, you know what I need? I need a drink. Like, that's not even a thing now of which I was so reliant upon. Yeah, yes.
Emma GilmourAnd I think it's really good that you say and I think it's very helpful to people that you say particularly around them because I think a lot of the time people go back to drinking in the normal way that they were drinking before. When they stop drinking, they find that it's not doesn't die like I was expecting to feel amazing. I was expecting to jump off and have lots of energy and be so productive and actually feel quite often a lot of Rufus using alcohol for me. I was exhausted when I stopped drinking when I first stopped drinking because I've been pushing through Yeah, for so long. My body was like yeah, okay, we can finally actually rest. Yes. And that for a lot of productivity you know, driven people that's really tricky. Yeah, it's like well what's the point then if I'm one of
Tina Tower
the most disappointing things to me was how many people said to me You watch you stop drinking alcohol and the weight will just drop off you not a killer Yeah, not a thing
Emma Gilmourno meaning never has never have never have I only when I've been doing very restrictive dieting which I don't I'm not a proponent of Yeah, but what I can
Tina Tower
say though, like the thing that I am so appreciative of is I have made more clear better decisions in my business this year than I ever have like the the lack of like there's no there's so much more stability there's no up and down of emotion I don't ride a wave of like feeling high and then feeling down and then feel it like everything is just so much more level and so much more clear and so much clarity and less drama and just just consistent as well which is which is lovely.
Emma GilmourYes it is and I was that was something I was going to ask you so yes you there's been some strict you know some difficult things about it you know, that's that is normal Yeah, and yes I never lost any way either I was most pissed off that's why I went to jail in the first place and I just one thing I say whenever I'm working with people now is like that is not so you know, you're thinking that's why you're in it you know that's Yeah
Tina Tower
A lot of people have told me that that's what's happened. Yeah. Yeah.
Emma GilmourWell a lot of people it does it also I would say probably about half as many it doesn't the way it is but it's often something that people you know, it's often it was my reason to for why I wanted to you know, take my year off when I when I started out too, but I'm interested. So you are saying that your clarity, your fluctuating emotions, is there anything else that has been alcohol free that is moving towards their relationship with alcohol that you want to have the more intentional more like every now and again, relationship that takes it or leaves it relationship? Which is what I think we're always going for. What, what's been different for you?
Tina Tower
I think it's better to have more consistent energy throughout the day. So I would probably fall asleep on most Sundays, where you know, I wake up and I've watched a whole Hallmark rom com. I'm so cool that I would watch like a hallmark rom com, embed my husband and bring me a coffee in bed. And I would do that. And then that was while my kids would go out surfing and do different things. Now, I'm up at 6: 30 Every morning, and I'm feeling fabulous. Like I have no desire to sleep in, I have no desire to watch TV in the morning or the evening. I'm just boringly consistent. But it's like the kids have noticed. And that was really like one of the big decision points for me and giving up the drinking as well as my son's being teenagers. And they're coming into the age where they're starting to go to parties and have alcohol around them. And a big part for me was, what am I teaching them by seeing their mom, every Thursday, Friday, Saturday afternoon, with my shot glass pouring out my gin and tonic? What does that look like from their lens? And their point of view is that I'm happy to show them and I by no means want to be a martyr about it. Like I know everybody does their thing that they want to do. But I just didn't want that to be the example that I was setting for. This is how we cope with life. And so maybe that was really what I was doing. And so now having that consistent energy and the kids love like they can they can go they know mom's not tired in the morning, they'll come in again and like jump on me at 6: 30 in the morning, because they know that I'm not going I'm still believing them. Learn Mama. Mama, Mama, well just get straight back there as well. So yeah, that has probably been one of the nicest changes is the consistent energy, the clarity, the not feeling like I need something. Yeah, that's, that's probably the main thing I've been a part of. My reluctance to do it was the level of discipline that I have in every area. Like I don't want to. It was my salvation and I said this to you previously, as well as going . The most difficult part has been trying to find something that can give you that feeling of awe of which it does its job, so well. And so you know, I meditate a lot now like every day, I do yoga every day, which is all very helpful, but it's still not the same. So if but that's okay. And I think a part of me had to accept that. You know, that's not a normal natural feeling. And there's actually a book that I bought the other day that I've just started reading called dopamine.
Emma GilmourOh, definitely no. Question. Yes. That's great. Yeah, I love that verse. So good.
Tina Tower
Our addiction to dopamine and how much we need all of these things that we get reliant upon. And I like, you know, I know that I was addicted to that. I have a very addictive personality with everything. I'm addicted to my work. I'm very obsessive with everything. I was addicted to that. I'm addicted to my phone, like all of those different things that give us these dopamine hits and goes. Yeah, that's what they're made for. And they're made to be replaced. But we actually need to be able to function without needing those hits.
Emma GilmourYeah, yes. Yeah, it is. It's a little bit like I remember when people would give, you know, offer you a natural remedy, as opposed to Yes, it is fantastic and actually really funny as well, because the subject matters quite well. Yeah, she's a guy with a yes. There's a guy in it, who is addicted to porn. And that's quite interesting. Conversation is a bit it's all it's all the same
Tina Tower
thing. Exactly. Right.
Emma GilmourI get it from work for work for me, like and I know sometimes that I have to be like, actually, you're kind of escaping your life to work because work is somewhere that feels safe. And like I can be my best self, you know, where it's actually in the home. That's, you know, that's where life can get a little bit more challenging and stuff like that. So there's so many things that you can learn from this that you can apply to any Yeah.
Tina Tower
Yeah. Well,
Emma GilmourI appreciate you so much. And I appreciate you sharing your journey. And I love the humaneness of it. Because that's what we're all like, right. We're just regular Joe.
Tina Tower
Yeah, totally. I think we all have our good points. We all have our biases that we're working through and yeah, it's something. Yeah, I feel like now this will be it for me. I won't I'm happy. I know that I won't be alcohol free forever. However, I also know that I won't be a regular drinker forever. And yeah, I love you. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, I would highly recommend the 30 day Ozzie alcohol experiment because it's, like, I think it's what we need to kick start. I don't think that you can check and changing habits especially when a habit like drinking is so ingrained is and I know that you know you avoid the word alcoholic but it was, it was a because I always thought alcoholics were people that drank every day of which I drink, yes, three to four days a week. And then I did like this questionnaire from a doctor that was like you, you're not an alcoholic, but you have an issue with alcohol dependency. And so for me, that was really like, like a slap across my face and doing that. I don't think I don't think a habit that's that strong and that ingrained for a lot of us can be broken without going through some pain and having a companion to help you with that, and someone to talk to about it and someone that you can, because it's not. I mean, for some I know some people that stop and they never never had any issue. I was so mad. It was not pleasant to be around at that time, because I was really not happy and having to deprive myself of something that I really, really loved. Yeah,
Tina Tower
That's all an interesting word. Yeah.
Emma GilmourI'm so pleased. And thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate it. And Tina, obviously, I know, you have some exciting things coming up this week as well. And I'm sure most people know already. But if, if not, you know, would you like to share the stuff that you've got coming up over the next week
Tina Tower
or so? Yeah, well, we're going to launch. So if you're in online education, hit me up. We've got a free training week happening in a couple of weeks that you can see at 10. A week.com. Yeah, brilliant.
And so that's the place to find you. Is it?
Tina Tower
Yeah, I can do that. Where I'm talking now. Her Empire Builder is all there. That's a great point. I don't know what your first name is. But I like your handle, the enabling in the world as well. It was very, very strange how uncomfortable I felt with not drinking in drinking situations. However, what I have discovered since is that it was a problem so much more in my head than with everybody else. I was really worried. Hi, Susan. I was really worried about what people would think of me if I wasn't drinking, and that they think I was a buzzkill or, like a party pooper or something like that. But I did like our whole retreat. I've done a couple of retreats where everyone is drinking copious amounts of alcohol all around me. And no one cares what I'm doing anywhere near as much as what I thought they would and what I projected on people. And so I think that that was a fear that I had going in. So if you're looking at doing the alcohol experiment and worried about that, if people are truly if they love you, and they're your friends and your family, no one cares, especially when you tell them so I find when I told people want so the thing that shuts people down straight away is when I told them, I hadn't had an issue with alcohol dependency, and I'm really trying to work on getting over that, everyone.
Emma GilmourYeah, that's very interesting, isn't it? I just think when you're honest, as well, like I say to clients, alcohol, you know, a lot of people will find that they've been you know, that three o'clock in the morning, wake up and being mean to yourself and that kind of thing, which a lot of people experience, you know, it's making them sad. And so if you say to your friends that actually alcohol is making me sad, and it's making me anxious, then generally people shut up because it's so why would you want your friend to feel sad or anxious? You know? Yeah, yeah,
Tina Tower
no one, no one really cares. All that much.
Emma GilmourSo thank you, Tina. I really appreciate you coming on. Thanks so much you do and it's lovely to speak to you. Take care. Bye, love.
Tina Tower
Thanks. Bye.
