Unknown Speaker 0:00
You. I'm so glad you're back. Lovely to have you.
Unknown Speaker 0:06
Quite often on day three, it's a bit of a small crowd,
Unknown Speaker 0:10
so that's what happens. So we'll see if other people join us, but we might as well get going, because, you know, very good I'm actually on an in group in the January experiment at seven. So I better get my my act together. Oh, there's Therese as well. Hi, Therese. Lovely to see you. Um, welcome. Here we are. And you know what's really funny? It made me laugh. And I shouldn't go off on tangents, but
Unknown Speaker 0:38
Tony Robbins is have is doing it. I'm sure you guys know him, like the big health self help kind of Guru. He's doing a three day event, and it was called rise. And I was like, Oh my gosh, my day three is called Rise. Maybe
Unknown Speaker 0:54
Tony Robbins is copying me. Obviously, I don't believe that to be true,
Unknown Speaker 0:59
but anywho we're talking about the next section, right? So we've been talking about and I'll go through what we've been going through. But before we do that, let's just take a moment to land here together tonight.
Unknown Speaker 1:11
And I invite you to, first of all, notice your feet, notice whether they're warm or cold, notice the surface they're on or in. And I invite you to wriggle your toes.
Unknown Speaker 1:26
And the reason that we do this is to be mindful, to kind of bring us into the here and now, out of the head, into what it's physical sensation of, you know, standing really is.
Unknown Speaker 1:42
And again, you know, in my programs, we work through a lot of this stuff, so we can kind of make it safer for us to kind of like, what safe is kind of probably a bit of a dress, a word I use a lot, but for other people, like, What do you mean? Like, but for us to kind of lean into things without losing ourselves? Yeah. So I also encourage you if you want to put your hand on your tummy, your hand on your hand on your tummy, your hand on your chest, hand on your chest, and hand your tummy is such a lovely and I find just like tapping my collarbone, it's like a really lovely grounding, kind of comforting way to be with self.
Unknown Speaker 2:13
And again, you know, as I said, everything with me is an invitation. We're just going to do three breaths, and then we'll, we'll, we'll connect to the earth in our brains, and then we'll just do our acknowledgement of country, and we'll get into the presentation so inviting you to breathe in through your nose
Unknown Speaker 2:31
and out through your mouth,
Unknown Speaker 2:34
in through your nose
Unknown Speaker 2:36
and out through your mouth,
Unknown Speaker 2:38
in through your nose
Unknown Speaker 2:41
and out through your mouth, and then I encourage you just to let your breath come back to normal. We're just taking a moment just kind of like bring our attention to what we're doing and being here tonight and seeing if we can get a bit present. Present moment awareness is kind of what we're after in this game, getting out of the head and into the you know, right here, right now, as fat boy stem said, which I always find really funny.
Unknown Speaker 3:06
So what I'd like you to do is imagine that you have a root growing out of the base of your spine, or the bottom of your foot, whatever feels good to you, going down into the earth,
Unknown Speaker 3:15
going through the building that you're in, burrowing down, connecting you, but not restricting you, and reminding you that you are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts, and reminding you that you are nature, so important that you're part of nature, and taking this moment to acknowledge the lands that we are all on tonight, for me, the lands of the Bunurong people of the cool land nation, pay my respects to the elders past,
Unknown Speaker 3:47
present and emerging and to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, and honoring the lands where you are tonight as well, and whatever your connection to them is,
Unknown Speaker 4:00
All right, my lovely ones, let's get going. So rise this is about right, so we've done some some great grounding work, and then we're going to kind of do the next step. So first of all, let's take a minute to give ourselves a nice pat on the back. Pat ourselves on the back.
Unknown Speaker 4:14
You know, because a lot of the reasons why women drink more than they want to do is because nobody says, bloody Thank you. Nobody says Good job. Nobody says well done. And I'm here to say, well, good job, well done. And like we said before, not many people do this,
Unknown Speaker 4:28
only the brave, the seekers,
Unknown Speaker 4:33
all right, so so far, we've talked about taking a break from taking a break. So that's really not necessarily about stopping drinking or stopping trying to stop drinking, as much as it's about getting out of judgment, out of resistance, and into the here and now and into the present moment, and into inquiry and curiosity over judgment, right?
Unknown Speaker 4:57
And then yesterday, we talked about what everything we believe about.
Unknown Speaker 5:00
Booze and a lot of what we believe about ourselves and the world, I should add that in is a lie. Yeah, it's not true, or it's partially true, or there's more than one truth, yeah, something that autistic ADHD, people like myself find very difficult.
Unknown Speaker 5:17
And so today we're going to talk about the essential information of what to do next, and I'm just want to make sure that I'm on time for seven o'clock, so we'll finish at seven.
Unknown Speaker 5:28
So just kind of like refreshing ourselves. We talked about why quitting, quitting can be helpful. So why getting out of this whole like cycle of I'm trying to cut down, I'm trying to stop and just allowing self to be as is and to notice so that we can start to build self awareness and self trust and the most important piece, self compassion. We
Unknown Speaker 5:53
talked about the three levels of belief. We talked about beliefs at the level of substance, beliefs at the level of society and beliefs at the level of self.
Unknown Speaker 6:02
And we talked about the route to change being different to what a lot of other programs teach. We talked about it being about it's not just about what we're doing. It's not just about alcohol. It's not just about cutting down or reducing or moderating or taking a break or stopping or whatever you choose to do. It's not just about that. It's not about the action, because we can't do the action without the preparation,
Unknown Speaker 6:29
and the preparation requires us to take some time. And knowledge isn't just about knowing you know more facts, more information about alcohol and what it does to our bodies that tends not to be the thing that really shifts the dial for people. It's actually that self awareness. It's like that knowledge of self understanding why we do the things that we do, taking a moment to look and then we're creating this like I'm starting to feel, but I've undone some of these beliefs that I've got, and I'm starting to feel differently. I'm starting to look differently at things. I'm starting to, you know, because it's like, you know, you're not your thoughts or your thinker of your thoughts. It's like, also kind of like statements, like you are, where you put your attention. We know, like, you know, what we focus on grows. We start to think positively about something, and then it's much, much easier to make the change. And I don't mean positive as in rava, but I mean we start to, we
Unknown Speaker 7:28
unburden ourselves from all of this kind of, like, this is good and this is bad, and, you know, it's about willpower, and we're weak, and we're going into battle with the wine, which is like, let's get rid of all of the apps, because it's not helpful. And then let's start to what would open up for us if we weren't going into battle with the wine wish. What would open up for us if we weren't afraid? What would open up for us if we didn't feel guilty in the morning? Yeah, what would change? What would be different in our lives? And starting to think about what that might look like and in might look like. And in my I've put, and I'll, I'll put these, let me just go back into here. So I've put some links in the chat, and I'm going to post them again, because I think if you joined after I posted them, you won't see them. And I'm just going to post them all again because it's quicker and easier for me, and you guys can, kind of like find the ones that you need. But in here, in this group of links, you'll see that there is the hub at the top. In there, there's four different kind of practices, and one of them is called the North Star visualization, and it is a really great thing I get all my clients to do, which is starting to imagine, and we'll talk a bit more about this in a minute. But all of this, there's, there's the grounding resource, the North Star visualization. What else is in there? Seven Steps to changing relationship with alcohol, to getting alcohol back under your control, and something else, which is, oh, and the awareness worksheets.
Unknown Speaker 9:00
All right, so this is where I'd like some feedback. So what do you guys remember about dopamine? What have you what did you learn over the last few days? What's stuck in your brains?
Unknown Speaker 9:19
Oh, hi, Blackie, Hi, Sharon, hi. User Chris, it's lovely to have you all here.
Unknown Speaker 9:27
Anyone remember anything about dopamine? You want to pop it in the chat?
Unknown Speaker 9:33
An easy dopamine hit is not necessarily a good one? Yes, absolutely brilliant. Well done.
Unknown Speaker 9:40
We get too much from alcohol and haven't worked for it. Yeah, perfect. Gosh, you guys are great, better than it's better when it's earned. Yeah, brilliant. Well done.
Unknown Speaker 9:49
Well done. That's really good,
Unknown Speaker 9:54
excellent as well. I mean, there's a couple of other things, just to add, just to remind you, like dopamine gives us really.
Unknown Speaker 10:00
Just into glasses about alcohol as well. So like it makes it seem better than it is, because its purpose is to get us to chase it, right? It that's what it needs us to do in terms of our biological system. And there was something else I can't remember,
Unknown Speaker 10:16
but you're absolutely right. It's, it's that. But the other thing about dopa is kind of important, is that it's we seek it, because it's what humans are kind of programmed biologically to do. So it's another reason why it's a really good, you know, good, a good reason not to beat ourselves up for things. Because if we're chasing dopamine and this thing give us success of dopamine,
Unknown Speaker 10:38
it's not a moral or personal failure,
Unknown Speaker 10:41
it's a survival tactic, right? Yeah, it gives you motivation, exactly, right? Therese, it's a motivation. It's that kind of, and we talked a little bit about hedonism and eudaimonia. I'm just kind of refreshing you guys as well, if that makes sense. Brilliant work. Well done, everyone. That's great.
Unknown Speaker 10:58
All right, so what we got here?
Unknown Speaker 11:02
So what positive emotions have you guys had a chance to have a think about what positive emotion are you holding for your future relationship with booze? How would you and so what I'm saying here is, how would you feel if you had booze where you wanted it? What would be different. How what emotion might you feel? And we might lean into that for a second.
Unknown Speaker 11:28
So what could you be moving towards that would be it would feel really good relief, yeah, that's a good one. Helen, I absolutely get that. Yeah. Her relief, yeah. What else? Anyone else I'd have a quick sip of my drink.
Unknown Speaker 11:50
What might you be moving towards
Unknown Speaker 11:53
that might be really cool, trusting myself and feeling self about brilliant work Therese, that's awesome.
Unknown Speaker 11:59
Yeah. Anyone else want to put anything in there? And then what I suggest that we do is, if we find the emotion that we're thinking. So, for example, it might be, I was trying
Unknown Speaker 12:09
to think what mine would be,
Unknown Speaker 12:11
probably would have been up something like freedom, but and then on the counter side, also not freedom, grown up, I'd be grown up. That can be an interesting one. Can't it? Because sometimes we want to be grown up, and sometimes we don't. But yeah, absolutely I feel grown up. I feel like, you know, I'm a human being, a functional being. I shouldn't say that, because I don't drink anymore, quite a long way away from being functional human beings sometimes, but, but here I hear you. Okay, so, so let's take a moment and just feel into what that might feel like for us. So invite you again, just like, close your eyes for a second if you don't feel safe. Closing your eyes if you don't want to, that's absolutely fine, but let's just take a moment and just imagine what that might
Unknown Speaker 12:52
look
Unknown Speaker 12:53
like. You know, how would you wake up in the morning feeling if you were embodying that, if you were like you had the relief had met you and you were ready to sort of embark on the next stage. You know, what? If you know, if you were feeling really trustful, you know, if you knew that you could rely on yourself and you you wouldn't let yourself down, and you felt really empowered, and that you felt like you, you felt like you were running the show. You know you were in charge of you. What might that feel like? So just take a second with
Unknown Speaker 13:24
that. Yeah, great work.
Unknown Speaker 13:27
And this is kind of like what we're trying to begin to do is start to imagine. Because the great thing about visualization, and we'll talk about this a bit more, is our brains don't realize a visualization is a visualization. It actually makes our brains feel a little bit safer to change, because they're usually so afraid. Our brains are naturally very afraid of change.
Unknown Speaker 13:49
All right, let's do
Unknown Speaker 13:52
so.
Unknown Speaker 13:55
This is our essential information and what to do next. You you.
Unknown Speaker 14:04
So first of all, let's start with the vision. How do we want to feel? We just did a little bit of that curiosity. What do you need? This is such an important part of this work, and it's sometimes very, very difficult for us to access. And I'll talk about this a bit more in a second. And then immersing, immersing. You know you are where you put your attention, right?
Unknown Speaker 14:27
So vision, how do you want to feel? We just did a tiny bit of this.
Unknown Speaker 14:34
So I'm just moving some things around because it's difficult for me to read. So vision, we can't get anywhere if we don't know where we're going, right. And the problem is our cognitive bias that we think we if we think something's going to be awful, it will be. And this is one of the things that you know, I've been part I've worked in and I've been part of other methodologies around alcohol, and everybody is talking about how hard.
Unknown Speaker 15:00
Hard and difficult it is. Now, don't get me wrong, there are hard and difficult things about taking a break from reducing or stopping and drinking whatever you choose. There are, there are things that are difficult about that, but it's just really interesting even, and to me, the culture where we sort of like really celebrate years of being alcohol free, kind of implies that there's this, this, this tremendous battle that's been won. And again, that sort of, like language really puts in mind of like, we're in this great big resistance, there's this big fight, there's this big, you know, demon alcohol that we're trying to overcome. And
Unknown Speaker 15:44
to me,
Unknown Speaker 15:46
with the methodology that I work, we're giving it a lot of power.
Unknown Speaker 15:50
And what we really want to do, and I say this every, every, every day in these three is we really want to come to a place where we feel about alcohol as we do like a cheese sandwich. We're not giving it that much power, right? And that's what the work that I do with people is, is to get to that place so you can really take it or leave it, and most of the time you'll choose not to have it, because it's like, well, you know, I either want to choose sandwich or I don't want to choose sandwich. It's got no drawer. Rather than that, I might if I'm hungry or if I think it's the appropriate thing to do. You know what I mean? It's like a totally different relationship, because we get out of all this,
Unknown Speaker 16:23
like, resistance, and, you know, there's this amazing thing that we're not allowed to have, you know, all that kind of stuff. So
Unknown Speaker 16:30
it's just, if we vision, it starts a vision this, instead of, like, you know, everyone has in their brain, or we, and I talk about this. I have talked about this over the last three days, this idea that, you know, if you're sober, you're sober, you're going to be miserable, and I don't use the word sober, but if you're alcohol free, it's going to be miserable for you. Or if you're reducing or stopping or cutting down your drinking, it's going to be a whole miserable experience. Right now, if you think that it will be,
Unknown Speaker 16:54
we know what it's like, right? When you wake up in the morning and you're like, in a really bad mood and everything shit and everything goes wrong, right?
Unknown Speaker 17:01
It's the same. And that's not by saying, like, we're going to get a Pollyanna and go, you know, be really, like, happy, happy, because that's absolutely the opposite of what I believe and what I teach and what my practice and method is.
Unknown Speaker 17:13
But
Unknown Speaker 17:16
we do sometimes have to unpick some of these ideas around, like, alcohol is fun, and being alcohol free is boring, or reducing our alcohol, or whatever we decide we want to do with it. You know, these are the sort of things that in group we unpick together, but when we can start to think about a day, which is exactly what the the the
Unknown Speaker 17:40
North Star visualization that's in the reset hub gives you is we start to paint a picture of a day. What would it be like if we woke up, let's say, on a work day or on a non work day,
Unknown Speaker 17:52
and we wake up, and what's the sheets feel like? You know, what's next to our bedside? What will be different? What will we eat for breakfast, and so on and so forth, until we kind of create this vision, which, again, as I said, makes up, makes our brain feel so much safer, because we've talked about the fact that the brain is wired to prevent us from changing, because change feels unsafe. And even if what we're doing is is actually hurting us, our brains are so determined to save energy, because that's like an evolutionary thing, that they avoid change at all costs, which is why, you know, we get all those kind of like, you you stop drinking for a day or two, and then suddenly it's like, Oh, I could just have another, you know, like that kind of thing, right? Because they're very wired to stop, to to keep prevent you from changing. And so the question is, what if it was actually amazing, like, you know, for me, my experience has been a significantly,
Unknown Speaker 18:49
a significant, up level, a life changer. By doing the work that we do here and the work that we do in my programs,
Unknown Speaker 18:59
it's not at all sad. And if it was, you know, like I said to you before, like for me, because I'm quite
Unknown Speaker 19:06
a rebel. The idea of me being in the group of people who weren't allowed to have something, or can't be trusted around something, or who other people sort of look down on, a bit, there's an unacceptable state of affairs for me, and I'm sure for many of you as well, and that's not attractive to me, I don't want to move towards that. So I want to move towards something that feels really good and feels really I feel really powerful. And, you know,
Unknown Speaker 19:32
so curiosity,
Unknown Speaker 19:35
what do you need? Such an important question.
Unknown Speaker 19:40
So first of all, we need to get curious and get kind, right? So when we drink, and it's very difficult for us to understand this, when we're in the throes of it, because it's really almost you have to take yourself out of it for a little bit to be able to see some of this. Now I don't necessarily say, oh, you know, you have to.
Unknown Speaker 20:00
Stop, but you have to at least kind of like, be able to look at it and do some mindful work around it, because what you'll find is craving is your body telling you you're not okay. And you might be like, Oh, I'm craving it because I'm excited and I want to go and do the thing. And, you know, when I, you know, relax. And it might all seem like a really lovely thing, but when you look underneath it, and you do the work around the beliefs. It's often because, for example, I'm tired and I don't want to do the thing, so I'm going to have a drink so that I can override my nervous system and push through and do the thing. I'm feeling socially awkward and or I'm tired, or I'm a bit of an introvert, or I feel badly about myself with other people do feel very confident. So
Unknown Speaker 20:43
in order for me to go out and do the things that I think socially acceptable people need to do, I need to drink in order to override my natural sense of what's okay for me and
Unknown Speaker 20:54
what makes me feel safe in company, kind of thing. So, you know, there's so many different reasons, but
Unknown Speaker 21:00
I'm I'm having, I had a really bad day. I'm feeling really lonely. I'm frustrated and triggered by my children. I'm having to look after my elderly parents. There's, there's always a reason why we drink. It's usually a very good reason. And again, it's like, why my methodology is so different. Is like, we what we want to just want to understand. We want to know why. Before that judgment, part of us comes in and goes well, we should know better, because we're not interested in that. We're interested in why, why we do. Because if we can't find out, and we don't understand why we do, and we won't let ourselves understand that, we can't find a different solution, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 21:43
so we really need to find out what it is. It's actually never about booze. And the more that I do this work and the more that I work with people, we realize that actually, you know, alcohol is a solution to the problem, right? We need to understand what the problem is so that we can create sustainable change. And this is why I could, I would always go back to drinking after 30 day breaks, because
Unknown Speaker 22:04
nothing changed. All I did was kind of ignored alcohol for a month.
Unknown Speaker 22:13
And along with that, it's that self compassion we talked about this yesterday. It's like, what would I say to me if I was someone I loved? And some of us find that very, very confronting and very difficult, because we don't love ourselves. Taught, it's very difficult for us to imagine that so often it can
Unknown Speaker 22:29
be, you know, imagining that you were actually somebody that you love, and how might you treat yourself differently, can be a different way to do it. And we don't even have to use the word love, but it's starting. We were talking in our group the other day, and we're talking
Unknown Speaker 22:43
about, you know, when we decide to escape ourselves with alcohol, we kind of leave ourselves a little bit behind so that younger part of us, you know, the part that was awkward, that we reject now because we want to be the life and soul of the party, because that's what an acceptable person should be, the extrovert or whatever, or at home. You know, we're rejecting the part of us that's lonely, because, you know, we've been taught as children not to have negative emotions because we need we get what we get, and we get, don't get upset. You guys will remember from the conversation before. And so it's like, well, imagining ourselves. A lot of time. We're all walking around like little children, imagining ourselves as a little child, and imagining that we're feeling sad or stressed or we're trying to push through, you know, what do we really need? And then it's like judgment will be telling us all sorts of kind of disciplinary parenting kind of stories. But in reality, you know, might be that we just need to sit down. It might be that we need to rest. It might be if we can't, it might be to say, Do you know what I see you. I see how hard you're working. I see what an amazing job you're doing. I've got you, and it's building that kind of relationship with self.
Unknown Speaker 23:51
And so again, we talked about the awareness worksheets. And in that list of links that I have given you, the awareness worksheets are there at the very bottom. I encourage you, if you haven't done them. This is how you get curious. And also this is the way that, you know, if we have a data point, which is what we call a slip up when you're trying to not drink, this is kind of one of the ways that you can analyze what happened and what might be the reason. Because it's often like people are like, well, I've got no idea why I drink. One minute I was there, the next minute I was down the bottle shop, the next minute I had half a bottle of wine. And, we like, but nothing happened. Something must have happened.
Unknown Speaker 24:25
Our nervous systems. And often you'll find like, you know, for somebody it might be like, well, you know, I didn't really want to get into that, go into the house, because, you know, my
Unknown Speaker 24:34
kids being being very intense, and I find it quite stressful. Whatever it might be, yeah, there's always a reason. And so if you take the time, use the awareness sheets, do the questions, thoughts about booze, the routines and rituals, the After Effects, you'll start to kind of build some of that awareness. And it's just invaluable. And like I said before, people who have got, like, a very lightweight, kind of problematic relationship with alcohol will.
Unknown Speaker 25:00
Find that just doing that work, in and of itself will make some big changes, because we're still keeping ourselves, keeping it front of mind, right, keeping it front of mind, getting mindful about how we drink and the impact that it has on us, and taking note of where alcohol may not be living up to its expectations, just so that we can make different choices, right? Not all, not all the time, but sometimes
Unknown Speaker 25:21
so immersion. And this is really important. This is huge for me. Big sip. Hold on,
Unknown Speaker 25:28
taking a big, deep dive into the culture. No, this is, this is where social media and stuff like that comes into the fore
Unknown Speaker 25:35
podcast, I have a great podcast, midlife, AF. I encourage you to listen to it. There's loads of other really good ones in out there. People I love, Danny Carr's how I quit alcohol.
Unknown Speaker 25:50
My lovely friend, Victoria van stone, she has one called sober awkward. My friends Ellie, I'm just throwing some out here for you. My friends Ellie and Sam have one called
Unknown Speaker 26:01
sober something.
Unknown Speaker 26:04
Gosh, that's perimenopause, menopause. I
Unknown Speaker 26:07
don't want
Unknown Speaker 26:10
to spend too much too long in it, but it's really funny. They're two Brits, girl and a boy.
Unknown Speaker 26:19
I'll have to write it in the in the chat. But absolutely brilliant, really funny, and it's just great. I mean, there's loads of them around this naked mind ones. I listen to the this naked mind podcast from when I was doing my preparation, my pause. I listened to all of the podcast from beginning. And I would say, if you listen to my podcast, start at the beginning. So many great guests, so many great topics covered.
Unknown Speaker 26:45
Quit lit, great. Quit lit. There's some beautiful ones. My favorite books were, how I quit? No, I just made that up. My favorite book was, quit like a woman by Holly Whittaker, absolutely amazing. Laura McCowan, her writing is so beautiful, we are the luckiest. And of course, this naked mind, which is very scientific and really good, there's loads of other ones out there, you know. And feel free to share any that you've read and you really like social media is your friend. Find people who have the same sort of vibe around you, not only like people like me who work, working with people, but also, you know, people like you who are on the same journey. You know, wanting to and follow the people that you like and you like, that can be so helpful. I really loved it. And actually, I'm still like social media wise, friends with quite a lot of the people that I met that way.
Unknown Speaker 27:42
Because the thing is, we we think being so curious or cutting down or being alcohol free is going to be shit, right?
Unknown Speaker 27:50
And so what we need to see and what we need to understand is that there's other people around us going through the same journey as we are and having some of the same issues, but also having some of the same amazing kind of I mean, I remember
Unknown Speaker 28:08
working with a lady, and she and I stopped drinking at the same time. We were in the same group, and her name's Natalie Battaglia, and she is the mindful mocktail. And I remember having her on my podcast, and she said to me, Emma Jean, you know, one of the things I just remember is when that that cloud lifted the dinorphine cloud, which is one of those kind of, like negative chemicals that come in to fight the sort
Unknown Speaker 28:30
of excessive dopamine and just that feeling of joy of just being unadulterated me having a belly laugh. And I was like, I remember, but I was interviewed for, I think it was Channel Nine, and they were asking me about it, and I wouldn't. I was probably just over, maybe just over a year alcohol free or something like that. And I was like, it's like seeing a technical. It's like a little bit too much, but it's nice to have people talking about because I always say my third way is not I'm we're not miserable. There's not miserably sober people or people who are drinking, but kind of like hating themselves in the morning. There's another way where, actually, kind of, we let alcohol go, we're not very interested in it. You know, might, you might still drink every now and again. You might not, but just doesn't have that pull. You know, I just, I shared with you that oyster story. So the other thing about this is, don't go to the bakery for milk, or, I would say now, don't go to Bunnings for milk, right? So make sure you're going to the people you're surrounding yourself with, people who are who are wanting to change, who are wanting to do something new. Many of us find that our partners aren't the same stage as us. You said, maybe they're not the person to hang out with, and I don't mean that don't hang out with them, but have other where you talk about your journey with alcohol, where you talk about where you want to go, right? You know, it's that go to people who are going to reciprocate your interest, because for me, I think doing this work is one of the most exciting journeys.
Unknown Speaker 30:00
Of self discovery. And for me, it's a journey of self discovery that will never stop, you know, finding out what my beliefs are, finding out the things that are keeping me stuck, finding out my negative, my core negative beliefs, you know, we talked about yesterday a little bit, so that I can be less triggered, you know, so that I can be more here and now, rather than sort of like, you know, in that kind of like I'm triggered, and I'm must, you know, acts I must do, I must fight, I must freeze. You know, this isn't a forever journey, and if we kind of think about it less as of like, you know, I'm doing this to fix myself, and when I fix myself, I'll be better, and then I'll be okay. It's like, no, let that go, right? This is not about fixing yourself because you were never broken.
Unknown Speaker 30:41
This is about understanding why you do the things you do, and the unconscious part of that, the unconscious conditioning, so that you can choose differently. And it's not just about alcohol. There's a million different ways that we can, that we this, this work is useful for us, right?
Unknown Speaker 30:59
So what do we need Next, make a plan, get some support, and get community. So making a plan without, and it's, it's really kind of like one of those kind of old sayings, you know, if you, if you don't have a plan, you're planning to fail. So I always say signal, maybe it's always a yes. So if you like, I'm maybe, or maybe I'll drink tonight. Maybe I won't. Maybe it's always a yes. You get up in the morning and say, you know what's my intention with alcohol today, I'm going to drink two glasses of wine at this thing. Just, just make the intention. So what's my intention when somebody asks me why I'm not drinking tonight? Okay, well, you know, because often it's like we because we didn't plan, we get put in a situation and suddenly all those inner programming that sort of like, I don't want to take up space, or I don't want to make it awkward for anyone comes out, right? And we're suddenly like, oh, you know, I have a glass of wine just because we didn't want to make the other person feel uncomfortable, right? Which is a lot of a lot of pod. So make a plan. What do you want to do? Do you want to? Do you want to, if you if you want to reduce your alcohol? How are you going to do that? When are you going to drink? What's it going to look like? What look like? What's a special occasion? Because, you know, the brain's very clever. It will decide that every day is a special occasion. So just be really, really clear. What am I going to do? You know,
Unknown Speaker 32:13
so waiting for the pain of change to become less than the pain of staying the same, that's what we do. We're like, I'm just going to wait, because I really don't want to choose, really rely on alcohol, how I cope. And it's like, well, this is never gonna do anything. It's like, there's a I can't remember everything. It's Lessing.
Unknown Speaker 32:31
And she says, Do what you're going to do now, conditions are never perfect. You know, the conditions are never ideal to just have a crack. Yeah, and often, there's a lot of reasons why we don't. We have perfection in fear of failure is huge, right? But again, this for me, my methodology is not about there's no failure. And so people come in my groups, and yes, some of them don't drink for 30 days, but some of them drink all the way through because they're learning, and we're looking at data points, and we're understanding what happened, and we're getting to the core belief that's underneath it, and we're looking at what could be done differently. It's not the only way you can fail in my programs is not to show up, and the only way that you can fail in my programs is not to come back, if you've had a data point, and look at why, because that's a lot of what the not drinking groups do is they're like, right? We're all we're all pretend alcohol doesn't exist. We'll all ignore it for a month whilst building and building building like our sort of volcano desire for it. And then,
Unknown Speaker 33:30
if we do have a data point, we'll shame ourselves horrendously, which will make us feel like crap. And then we'll say, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just move on. Let's just move on. Back to day one and my groups, there's no back to day. Ones, we don't do that. Everything we do is progress.
Unknown Speaker 33:46
We don't shame or blame ourselves. And you know, the most important thing is looking at it and understanding what happened, what went wrong, why did we want to do something and not be able to do it? So again, you know, choose your heart. The pain of change, you know, is that, you know, there's growth, there's discomfort. We're learning how to be with ourselves. Often. We have to learn how to be with big emotions. We have to, you know, understand that we're grieving, we're lonely. We have to understand that our husband sat next to us is driving us bunkers, and we want to throttle him. We'd stop cheering so loudly. But these are the things you know, because what happens is, you know, when we stop drinking often, or take a break from drinking often, we have to have the difficult conversations, and that's a lot of the reasons why we stay drinking, because it allows us to kid ourselves that everything's fine when it's not right. Because if we was, we wouldn't be drinking, because otherwise we'd be perfectly fine without anything right?
Unknown Speaker 34:45
So choose your heart is the pain of staying the same. You know, we often forget the pain of staying the same. And also, let's be clear, sometimes it's not the right time, and that's fine too, right? But let's be honest about it, and.
Unknown Speaker 35:00
Stand right. I'm not ready to have the difficult conversations yet. I'm not ready to put the boundaries in yet that I need to put in in order for me to feel less exhausted all the time by suppressing myself by not, you know, that kind of thing. I'm not going to go on about it too
Unknown Speaker 35:16
much, but all I mean, like Brene Brown said, all the coping mechanisms we have been using to keep us safe in midlife, we get to perimenopause, we get to menopause, and suddenly none of it's working anymore, and it's making us feel like shit. And so we've got a choice. We either put our head down, grit our teeth, clench our butt cheeks and keep marching onward until death, or we choose to have a look at it and find out what might be going on for us,
Unknown Speaker 35:44
get some support. It's really hard to see your blind spots. I have a coach, I have a supervisor. I have a because I'm a counselor and psychotherapist, I have to have a supervisor. But I see my therapist because I cannot see my blind spots, you know,
Unknown Speaker 36:01
and it's really hard to keep up momentum on your own. So for me, as a ADHD person, I really liked accountability. I like someone who gets like to know that someone cares
Unknown Speaker 36:12
where I'm going and when I've done well and things that I found for hard and things that I've overcome and you know. So I really do encourage you to get some support. However you choose to get it. There's a million ways you can get support.
Unknown Speaker 36:26
There's all kinds of free groups that you can join, but I do encourage you to get some support.
Unknown Speaker 36:34
Choose what feel right and get some accountability and have someone else have your back. You know, it's we're not. We're not islands. Yeah, we do need, we need other people
Unknown Speaker 36:44
and get community. And again, you know, there's so many online groups that you can join. And equally, as I said, in my groups, we've got beautiful community, and some of the guys are on here now, but stigma makes us hide. And we talked a little bit about last night, about, you know, the drink responsibility campaign and how that can really, you know, the manipulation of humans by big business to, you
Unknown Speaker 37:08
know, keeping us believing that we're the problem instead of, like, acknowledging that, you know, alcohol is a addictive and poisonous substance. You know, whether we drink or not, it doesn't bother me. Like my all my friends drink. I'm the only non drinker of my friends, and I go out with my friends all the time, and all my clients like, I guess I was today. I was yes, this morning, actually, was just talking to one lovely client who's been working with me, and we're just like, you know, she's looking to moderate. And for me, it's not about that. It's about self discovery and it's about being with people who you've got similar values to you're trying to change for the better. And I don't mean that because you were bad, but I mean you're like, looking at yourself and say, Do I really want to keep dragging this shit around with me? I think I won't talk to it specifically, but Therese, who's on here did, had a brilliant saying in the Apple experiment the last night, which is, like, this kind of like patterns of behavior that we have that come from our past, and we keep,
Unknown Speaker 38:06
you know, we stay stuck because we're not able to get to the next place because we're not looking underneath the cover. And sometimes we need to look under the cover, and sometimes it's not right to we're not ready to, and that's fine too, but so finding a community you align with and participating, showing up. And this is really scary, especially for some of us who've had trauma, showing a fairy underbelly. I call it, you know. It's like being willing to say, hey, you know, I messed up. I don't know what happened. I can't understand it, and being able to cut, you know, and that might not be for you yet, and that's totally fine, but it does take vulnerability, because we've all been conditioned to believe that it's in some way stigmatized or shameful to have, you know, to be drinking more than you want to. It's a personal moral failure, which we know it isn't, but that is how we've been conditioned to believe. And even the most woke, wonderful people can still come up to you and say stupid things, right? And so it's all, how do we, sort of, like, cushion ourselves from that while we're starting off? You know? We always say, you know, when you're starting off, taking a break or reducing your alcohol, it's like, you always treat yourself like a baby for a little while, and you protect yourself, you look after yourself, you know. And I suggest that's something you want to be doing anyway going forward, but shame can only exist if we buy into the idea that we're alone and we are 100% not alone. That's just
Unknown Speaker 39:28
our brains and the way that society kind of conditions us to believe about problematic alcohol use or drinking more than we want.
Unknown Speaker 39:37
So my
Unknown Speaker 39:39
breath is running out. If you could, I'd love to share in the chat what your next steps with booze is going to be. And
Unknown Speaker 39:47
then we'll do a little bit. We've got 20 minutes, so that's good. What are you guys thinking? How you going to, what's your next step? What you're going to do next after this call, I'm going to, what am
Unknown Speaker 39:59
I going.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
To look at what resource am I going to have and what, you know, I'm going to get a podcast. I'm going to download Emma's North Star. I'm going to what, what are you thinking? Let's, let's start making a little bit of a plan. Excuse me, I know some
Unknown Speaker 40:16
of you have joined the alcohol experiment, which is brilliant. Theresa is going to go through the resources brilliant. Therese, that's brilliant. That's great. There's some really great stuff in there.
Unknown Speaker 40:26
Anyone else?
Unknown Speaker 40:28
She says,
Unknown Speaker 40:38
I'm doing a weird thing. My back's a bit sore today, so excuse me for wibbling on the screen.
Unknown Speaker 40:47
Helen's start. I started listening to the podcast. Well done, Helen, that's awesome. This is such and podcasts are huge. Like I used to go out for a walk every day and just listen to the podcast. And the really good people. There's some amazing podcasters out there,
Unknown Speaker 41:01
really funny ones, I would say, like, sober, awkward is hilarious. And the one I can't remember, so present and sober, that's it. Sam and Ellie is president, and sober. It's really funny. Yeah, anyone else?
Unknown Speaker 41:14
But I encourage you to have a think about it. Think about what you're going to do. All right, you guys continue writing those. Start having a bit of a plan together. I'm just going to play you some
Unknown Speaker 41:25
recordings that I've had of a couple of people who've been in my programs who talk about, you know, what's different when you change your relationship with alcohol in community.
Unknown Speaker 41:35
So having a dream ever again? I never, ever even think about it. Yeah, and I think that is awesome as well. Like I said with my partner at the moment, I'm not sure if he's watching, but he's trying to do dry July at the minute, yeah? And, you know, every night I can see he's just itching to have a drink, yeah? Whereas, you know, I I get that because he's white Knack cleaner and he's habit, but because I've done all the work and reprogram my brain, I don't even think about alcohol. Never crosses the other time I think about it is when I look at other people drinking. I look at my partner drinking.
Unknown Speaker 42:15
So I was laughing about this because I heard from Lou the other day, because someone was having a bit of a attack of me on social media and Lou and I, she was one of the first people who did the alcohol experiment with me. Absolutely amazing human. She's like, I'm still alcohol. She's so funny. But what she's, you know, she's, I'll give you a little bit of case study of Lou, which
Unknown Speaker 42:34
is really cool. So she said, this is her before. So she said she had high anxiety, low self esteem, self doubt, self hatred, physically and mentally drained and exhausted, poor relationship with her partner, kids and family, repeated crap decisions followed by crap life experiences, feeling trapped in a less than ordinary life. I mean, gosh, that sentence is heartbreaking, isn't
Unknown Speaker 42:59
it, reliance on others to determine her happiness, and that's another thing about alcohol. You know, when we're relying on alcohol, relying on something outside of ourselves to determine whether or not we're okay, it's really important. So afterwards, she said she was never, ever anxious when it wasn't 100% warranted. So she was anxious, yeah, but it wasn't just because she was having us come down from alcohol.
Unknown Speaker 43:21
She found real happiness and love within herself, and I think that's the core she's lost 10 kilos, better skin, smaller gut, increased fitness, both mentally and physically, much better relationships with her partner, kids and family, and sees a brighter future with excitement, enthusiasm, confidence, guiding her life back to where she wants to be. So that was Lou. Another This is, I think, the next person I've got, I've either got Amelia or Beck. Amelia, she's still alcohol free. Beck was really interesting, because she was one of the people, and quite often have people in this situation joining who's actually been alcohol free, but then was kept having data points and was getting really frustrated because she really wanted to drink still. And so you get quite a lot of people who stopped drinking in different methodologies, and they kind of are stuck in that, like miserably sober place. And so Rebecca will talk a little bit about that. Amelia will talk a little bit about her experience. And then we'll get into some questions and answers.
Unknown Speaker 44:16
30 days to start with is a really, really great goal. And you You honestly be amazed how different you feel after 30 days.
Unknown Speaker 44:28
And then, you know, do 100 days because it's, it's a, you know, it's a journey. And, you know, we fall off and we get back on, and we fall off and we get back on. And every time we get back on, we learn something more and you about ourselves
Unknown Speaker 44:48
and just really immerse yourself in it. There's so much now online and support, and, you know, join Emma's group, have a session with them.
Unknown Speaker 45:00
Ma,
Unknown Speaker 45:02
definitely, you know, the community and the support and the women that you get to meet that are doing this,
Unknown Speaker 45:12
it's, it's so important, and you're not alone,
Unknown Speaker 45:16
that's it. She said, you're not alone. And I think that's a huge part of it. It really, really is. And
Unknown Speaker 45:24
I'll just introduce you to BEC as well. Who is the lady I was talking about before find out who I really am, because the first time I did stop drinking
Unknown Speaker 45:34
a few of those a few years ago, I have no idea who I was. I didn't used to be able to laugh. Yeah, I thought nothing's funny. I had no I couldn't feel emotions, yeah, and so it does take time to get all that back and for me to figure out who I am, and really to work on. How did you put it? I remember in one of the things we were talking about recently might have been on one of the coaching calls. You said something like,
Unknown Speaker 46:05
if you get to the point where you love and accept yourself, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Unknown Speaker 46:17
Yeah, that's lovely. And I think that's the difference. Again, my programs, we're not it's not it's not a challenge. You're not coming to do, if you come and work with me, we're not coming to do a 30 day challenge, like we're going to do a 30 day experiment. And that is entirely different. And the goal is awareness, not abstinence. Abstinence is a happy by product, but it's not the reason to be there. It's like the beat. The reason we're going to be there is we're going to see, we're going to go in with curious minds and find out what this new information, new knowledge about ourselves, about alcohol, about the world is going to is going to open up for us, or what it isn't, you know what I mean, and all of those things are completely fine. So I hope that makes sense. So again, just a quick overview of my program, which is starting on Monday. It's the Great Aussie Apple experiment for February last time, I'm going to run it until June 2026,
Unknown Speaker 47:07
I am a licensed and registered psychotherapist. I hold daily coaching sessions. Excuse me with my groups every evening. They're at different times, but they're on
Unknown Speaker 47:19
New Zealand, Australia, times, and there's something every evening. You don't have to be there for it, but those are sessions. We go through beliefs, and we listen to what people have got going on, and we go through triggers, and we go through slip ups, and we kind of like it just, it's a really lovely, supportive community. You don't have to go to them all, but you can come to as many as you want, and they are replayed. But what's really cool about them is it's a soft place to land. Often, when we're, you know, it's often that sort of kind of time where people are having a, you know, craving, sort of early evening,
Unknown Speaker 47:51
there's daily videos and tools, which are the rewiring of brain. So it's like really short lessons. You can just watch them while you're cleaning your teeth or while you're in the car. You listen to them while you're in the car, and a full journaling workbook, which is like 30 days worth of journaling prompts. And honestly, these are the things and I talked about yesterday, that sort of chink opening for me, around that belief, that chink of possibility, around the belief that I love the taste of wine, and that is exactly what this that experience of watching these videos and doing the journaling prompts led me to that sort of realization that actually that belief wasn't 100% sure, wasn't true all of the time, and that's all we need. The private community, I have beautiful women in my groups. They are amazing. Everybody says we're so lucky.
Unknown Speaker 48:38
I think it's probably because I am a neurodivergent person. I'm also very, I believe, authentic, and I'm very fallible, and I don't pretend to be anything more than I am, and I know that I'm still very much on a journey myself. And so I think people tend to like that. People who are like me tend to like coming in with me. It's small, 25 people Max, and as my my client, Debs said, it's boutique, not Kmart,
Unknown Speaker 49:04
it's Australian, New Zealand time. So it's not US centric, which I've been on many of those groups before. It's neuro affirming, because I'm an autistic ADHD human being, and I've trained in being neuro affirming, and it's very important to me, because my kids are neuro divergent as well, and I'm trauma informed, because I studied under Gabriel Martin a
Unknown Speaker 49:24
couple of years ago.
Unknown Speaker 49:27
And the offer that I have for you guys, if you join up before the end of today, is $300 off altogether. So it's $200 off the price of the program and $100 worth of session with me. So before, in the first few days, or before we'll have a 30 minute session, work out exactly what your needs are around alcohol and how we're going to address them. And so for me, like I know everybody in my groups, I know exactly where they're going, exactly what they want to do. I know what their triggers are. I know the things that cause.
Unknown Speaker 50:00
Them trouble. You know, some people will be like, it'll be about socializing. Other people, it will be about loneliness. Some people, it will be a place to escape. Other people will be, you know, there's so many reasons why we drink, including trauma as well. So
Unknown Speaker 50:15
we're starting on Monday,
Unknown Speaker 50:20
and and that's kind of the end of my pitch. Do you have any questions for uni, either about the program or about what I've been talking about with you over the three days? Is there any help that I can give you, any advice I can give you, any support I can give you. I have got a full like, 10 minutes before I need to be on my next call, so I would love any questions, any thoughts you know generally, or you know anything about me personally, or whatever you whatever you want to ask, I'm yours.
Unknown Speaker 50:56
That's enough, Emma, we've had quite enough.
Unknown Speaker 51:00
And again, you know, if you want to contact me, my website is hope rising coaching.com that's my business name, my email, which I always welcome you reaching out to me on is Emma at Hope rising coaching.com
Unknown Speaker 51:16
and is Facebook group closed now only to participants
Unknown Speaker 51:21
the Facebook group for the Great Aussie alcohol experiment is completely closed only for the participants. 100% yes, so nobody will see anything that you are posting outside of the group. That's really important to me as well.
Unknown Speaker 51:39
What else was going to say? Oh, and the midlife AF group as well, which I think some of you have joined in order to be part of this group that is also a private Facebook group as well. Sharon says I'm uncertain to whether to tell my friends I'm no longer drinking, hoping they will keep me honest, or should I keep it to myself? It's really up to you, Sharon, it's so interesting, isn't it? I think that's a really great question. And you know, I think it really depends on kind of where you are in your relationship with alcohol as well. Like a lot of people, nobody, you don't owe anybody anything.
Unknown Speaker 52:10
But some people find it really helpful. What I why? I personally like to tell people what I'm doing and it doesn't need they don't need to know the nuts and bolts. They don't need to know why. Personally, I like to tell and again, this is just my preference. I like to tell people because I find lying really hard, and
Unknown Speaker 52:30
I've always like had this thing because I'm really bad at it. I've always had this like thing if I start a lie, someone will trip me. I'm
Unknown Speaker 52:40
like that kid who always got caught doing the naughty thing,
Unknown Speaker 52:43
but it, you know, really is up to you. If you're afraid of how they're going to react, I mean, nine times out of 10, you know, if people care about you and love you, they're going to, you know, the way I phrased it for me was, I actually said it in and again, you know, I'm just going to give my experience. But what I said was, I, I'm finding for me, I was
Unknown Speaker 53:02
talking about that I'm waking up in three. I was saying to my good friends, I'm waking up at three o'clock in the morning. I'm finished about myself whenever I drink. I'm just going to have a little break for a while and see if I can make that better, because I'm really not enjoying that. And what's been interesting is when you kind of like, get a bit vulnerable about that, then people be like, Oh, no, that makes sense. Yeah, I get that. Whereas if you're like, Oh, I'm just quitting for help, people like, oh, people like, Oh, come on, you can just have one, you know. But again, you can do that and any and also, these things can be true, you know, as well. You know, two things can be true at the same time, right? So how are you feeling about it? Sharon, what's worrying you about it?
Unknown Speaker 53:36
Because often it's fear of failure. And I know that was, I was so shitting myself when I took the when I decided to take the year off, which was after I did this 30 day experiment that I'm, I work with you guys on. Now it was I was so afraid of failure, and I think that was it. And then what people think about me if I failed? What do I think about myself if I fail? And I guess the thing is like, you know, I think, I think I think failure that was, I think about in relation to children, you know, if we don't succeed at something,
Unknown Speaker 54:07
for me, it just shows that we're human and sort of what we want to be sort of demonstrating, I think, is the tenacity to get back up again and try again. And I think that's a much greater gift that we can give to the people that are around us to demonstrate that sort of like, you know, we fall down. We, you know, we pick ourselves up. And that's one of the lovely things about being in group, is that we were talking about this other day, you know, fall down and you you know, you might have a slip up, or, you know, have a couple of days where you're drinking, and then, and then, you know, you your people, your community. They surround you and they pick you up, and they say, Hey, mate, you've done a great job. Come come back. Let's look at what happened, and let's, you know, unpick it doesn't really worry me. Feel if I maybe, if I tell everyone, they're more likely to follow through. Look, I think if you can, it's great. If I don't people, I'm giving myself a chance. Exactly. It's like.
Unknown Speaker 55:00
The maybe is always a No, right? Maybe is always a no. Yeah, I totally agree with you. Personally. My preference would be tell, because it's the accountability. And I always say the beginning of the apple experiment. You know, if you've got friends who's going to support you, like, tell them. You know, if you've got someone who's got your back, because people who care about you, they should be pleased for you, right? If you're trying to improve your health, and not, you know, feel bad about yourself and not have blackouts and not, you know, pass out in front of the TV, you know or not, remember what your kids said. What's wrong with that? Like, wanting to do that for a little bit nothing. So, yeah, I hope that's helpful. So
Unknown Speaker 55:35
I think if you're not worried about what other people think, I would 100% do it, and also, if you are worried about what other people think it's kind of like, that's really interesting information as well, in and of itself,
Unknown Speaker 55:47
thanks for asking me the question. I love when people ask questions. Anyone else got a question?
Unknown Speaker 55:58
We've got two more minutes before I need to jump off. So if anyone's got question, Do ask
Unknown Speaker 56:04
the link to the if you want to join at the offer that we've got at the moment, the $200
Unknown Speaker 56:10
off the full price and $200 off the payment plan in the in the $50 installment. Those links are above in that, in that set of links that I gave reset payment plan and reset full price. I would love it, if you would be kind enough to fill out a survey for me. There's the after survey. It's a Google Doc, just to say how you found this and what you've learned from it, and what's been good about it, what's been bad about it, what you change? I once had someone saying
Unknown Speaker 56:39
I shouldn't laugh. It was like, Emma just banging on about yourself. It's like, okay, but all feedbacks welcome. You know, I think it's really important that we listen and learn and look. You know, I know that for some people, me selling at the end of this is always going to be a bit triggering. But, you know, I'm a single,
Unknown Speaker 57:00
I'm I'm a, I'm a self employed business person, and this is how I make my living. So I hope you are okay with me
Unknown Speaker 57:10
selling as well as giving as much information and support that I do.
Unknown Speaker 57:16
If you want, again, if you want, there's a 15 minute inquiry call. So if you guys want to, you know, put that in. There's I also do one to one coaching and all other stuff. So if it's not, if this particular program is not of interest to you, or you're not, it's not the right time for you, that's absolutely fine as well. But keep in touch. It's been lovely. Playing with you, getting to know you, having conversations, seeing your you know your thoughts and feelings about things.
Unknown Speaker 57:41
Brilliant work.
Unknown Speaker 57:43
All right, my lovelies, well, again, ask me any questions if you want. I'm so looking forward to seeing you on Monday. Helen, thanks for joining. It's beautiful to have you there. And there's a couple of other people in the group as well on Monday, and any of the rest of you, I hope you join. Those prices are really good. Getting the one to one session with me is really good. And I look forward to you know, if you know, if you are joining, you know, I encourage you to sign up and take that, take advantage of that offer, because it is a good offer,
Unknown Speaker 58:10
especially for the level of support and coaching and transformation that you get during the program. Honestly, I've just sat down with pretty much everyone who's been in the one in January, and people have had really amazing experience, like just crazy stuff that, you know, we found out about ourselves. It's just been mind blowing. Anyway you do you, it's been a pleasure to serve you. Thank you so much for listening to me, and I will see those of you who are going to join on Monday. Those of you are not, I hope I'll see you again.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
