Episode 12

Most of us grew up believing that a good relationship never has disagreements, conflict, or angry words.

In this episode, Tanya and Emma sit with the opposite idea: that rupture is inevitable, and the real skill we were never taught is repair.

Together they trace how their families of origin handled conflict (mostly by not handling it at all), why saying sorry to your own children can feel like breaking a generational rule, and how becoming the first generation to actually apologise reshapes the relationship on both sides.

The conversation moves from parenting into perimenopause, masking and unmasking, and the friendships and family ties that do not survive us becoming more honest about our needs. It closes with a set of practical strategies for the relationships we cannot walk away from and a reminder that a relationship which can survive rupture and repair is stronger for it.In This Episode

• Why rupture and repair is the topic, and how it kept showing up everywhere this week
• Growing up where adults had the final say and feelings were not up for discussion
• The myth that parents must know everything and never make mistakes
• Being the first generation in the family to say sorry to their children, and meaning it
• The shame wired into asking for what you need: “don't be so needy”
• A therapist's reframe: would you take offence if your own child told you that you hurt them?
• What it looked like when their children, post-burnout, told them everything that had hurt
• ADHD, executive functioning, and the “why can't you just do the thing” spiral
• How it took their children collapsing into burnout for the pattern to become visible
• Why the absence of repair hurts more than the original rupture
• Being judged as a parent by how “well-behaved” your children are in public
• Practical strategies for hard family visits: time-boxing, radical acceptance, and taking breaks
• Glennon Doyle's Untamed and the “leave your fear at the door” family boundary
• Naming family culture rules in advance, including no commentary on bodies
• Fawning, courage, and finding the words in the moment
• The core ingredient of repair: holding two truths (multiplicity) at once.

Resources & Mentions

Untamed by Glennon Doyle — referenced for the “leave your fear at the door” boundary with visitors

Magic Moments (Glimmers)

Tanya - Ordering dinner-plate-sized dahlia bulbs and getting anticipatory joy from the wait

Emma - Buying a trans and LGBTIQ+ ally pin that says “you are safe with me”

If you are a parent of a neurodivergent child in burnout and you would like something to hold you while you hold everyone else, download ⁠⁠the free 10 Tiny Anchors Journey⁠⁠

If you are a woman who is questioning your relationship with alcohol, explore Emma's membership: ⁠⁠https://www.hoperisingcoaching.com/bethelighthouse⁠⁠ 

Single intensive counselling session — $247

1 hour 30 minutes - Initial Consult
You will get: Notes, Resources, Session Recording - downloadable for 7 days post consult

We will map out your personal roadmap to finding your version of that illusive ‘take it or leave it’ relationship with alcohol. Using my 3rd Way method. This is a complete option in itself and there will be no hard sell on anything else. If you do decide to continue with any of my packages afterwards, the cost of this session comes off the price as long as you book the longer program within a month of the session.